thread cricket:
hahahahahahaha not even that will get us to care about it but hahahahahahahahahah oh my
permalink Chirp
..
permalink what the
I remember going to see a Scotland vs West Indies one-day friendly 20-something years ago, cos my English teacher was on the team - it was that amateur

the Windies just toyed with them and treated it as an exhibition match, before Courtney Walsh decided it was time to go home and he and Curtly Ambrose bowled everyone out in 4 overs

scoreline was something like 300-0 declared / 19 all out
permalink Petty nationalism
doesn't suit you, you know.
permalink of course The Mash has a suitable piece
even if it's about football and from 11 years ago
permalink if England weren't so bloody awful at all sorts of cricket at the moment
...
permalink Don't worry,
there's the World Cup to look forward to.
permalink Oh God.
As someone who doesn't follow football at all, I am not much looking forward to three weeks (is that right?), during which most men become incapable of discussing anything else, and expect all other men to know everything about it.

And it's almost impossible to go out for a football-free pint.
permalink I realised just how out of touch with football I am
when I looked at the England squad and recognised literally none of the names
permalink This.
Apart from going to the occasional Leeds game, I can't be arsed with domestic football.
permalink I'm not anti football..
I'm just not interested.

Apparently this makes me a freak among MEN.
permalink ditto.
I've never seen the attraction of getting worked up over 22 millionaires and a game you have absolutely zero control over ever.
permalink you're all fucking mental
still, as long as you don't moan about it while the rest of us sneakily watch Australia v Denmark on our phones instead of working then we'll all get along fine.
permalink hehehe :)
permalink Good point
There’s often more intrigue in the pool games
permalink some contain top top players,
some are just a crock of shit.
permalink like the old one
on a day off from training, the England squad visited a local russian orphanage

“It’s heartbreaking to see their sad eyes, completely devoid of hope”

























said Vasily, aged 6.
permalink I would it noted for the record
That "I Like This"

permalink seconded
..
permalink *comedy trombone**


(*autofill tells me this isn't the first time I've typed that)

*edit* Saw this joke a lot today so I did a bit of digging, it first appeared in 2010 so it's heading for a long service award :)
permalink Speaking of this
What times of day are the matches? I imagine they will be early since it's Russia?

permalink mostly 1pm to 7pm kickoff for us
https://www.theguardia...
permalink So it's a morning shift in Spoons then off to bed then?
Arse. I have to go to work.
permalink just "work from home"
like the rest of us slackers.

permalink Yay!
Kickoffs between midnight and 7am, mostly 2-3am. Won't be watching much live then!

Although 2 England games are at 6am, so that is doable
permalink I neither know nor care,
TBH. Yes, football is a great game, but there are many things I'd much rather do than watch it. Masturbation is way more fun, for instance. And it rarely lasts 90 minutes.
permalink spoken like a true Leeds fan
.
permalink There's not much else we can do
when we throw away yet another lead in the dying minutes...
permalink preseason in Burma
magic
permalink Good to go somewhere
with an even worse human rights record than the Leeds defence
permalink 'kin hell scoff i owe you a pint for that one
first decent laugh i've had all season! X ;)
permalink This.
permalink they do usually* turn into prima donnas when the money starts flooding in
the england under 20's win their world cup and probably still on a YTS scheme


*though this young southgate team do seem up for it
permalink It'll be pretty easy in NZ
As I assume the games will be on (mostly on Sky, but presumably the internets can help), at some stupid time like 7 am.
thread I'm back!
I see Manley the mod has been looking after things well in my absence

Best Holiday Ever. The landscape of Scotland with the weather of Greece. I list the details here not in smuggery (ok, partly in smuggery) but because there's a couple of people here who have either been to/up some of these places or would like to. And it was ace.

24th May: PhD viva, get home and load up car and head to music festival in Galloway for 4 days. Continuous sun, much beer. Back home for 1 night.
29th: Pick up hire car, fill with camping equipment, head to Cairngorms, pull off the A9 at sunset to a campsite in Glenfeshie.
30th: Sgor Gaioth (1118m) - thermometer hits 30C on the way up
31st: Drive to Applecross via the coastal (wuss) road. Still sunny.
1st June: Coastal walk (in roasting heat) to the abandoned village of Airigh-Drishaig which we discover is actually being unabandoned by one man and his dog. Cool off in mountain stream. Seals and seal pups barking and squeaking in the bay.
2nd: Entire sweltering day spent sitting outside the Applecross Inn eating seafood and drinking their 3.7% session ale
3rd: Pack up, drive through the Bealach Na Ba and northwards to do the twin peaks of Beinn Alligin (922m and 986m). Zero wind and pounding sun. Descend knackered and spend the night in the terrifying midge hell that is Torridon Campsite.
4th: flee and continue north to the amazing campsite at Badrallach (max 12 tents, 8 miles along a dead end singletrack that is itself off a very minor road). Apart from a group that turns up on the last night, the place is almost empty all week.
5th: Coastal cliff walk to the isolated alternative/eco-village of Scoraig (home to Hugh Piggott of off-grid wind turbine fame). OTTERS! Spend half an hour watching a pair canoodling in Little Loch Broom, before they duck off to go make otter pups.
6th: Take my wife up the Fannaichs. Sgurr Breac (999m) and A Chailleach (997m). Still roasting, still hasn't rained at all. Walking across completely dry bogs and drained lochans. Air so still mayflys are worse than the midges.
7th: Rest day, whereby we end up helping out an elderly Canadian biker called Ed who is straight out of Northern Exposure. His Goldwing has expired in a fit of rust and he needs to get to Orkney, but is a bit deaf and confused and doesn't seem to realise the campsite bunkhouse is nearly an hour's drive from the nearest bus stop and it's a lot harder to get there than he thinks. We take him to the tourist information in Ullapool to get him sorted.
8th: Drop off Ed first thing to get the bus to Dingwall, then head up into Assynt and up Cul Mor (849m) - amazing hill. Not a hint of cloud- incredible views of pretty much every mountain range of NW Scotland. Brief side-pilgrimage to Knockan Crags (one for Scoff). Watch the sunset on the campsite beach while being snorted at by a young stag with velvet still on its antlers.
Today - See the weather warning, hastily pack the tent back up as the clouds approach, and head back down the A9 through apocalyptic thunderstorms and hail. And now home to discover the effects of not emptying the fruit bowl before we left.

I am very very very very brown. Did I mention it didn't rain for 2 weeks? In Scotland? This makes up for all our previously ruined holiday attempts up here. I have about a decade's supply of vitamin D.

How's all you?
permalink Noice
*thrusts*

We went on honeymoon in NW Scotland in April/May. People thought we were mad, but it was lovely (and snuck in before extreme midge terror)
permalink did Mrs Scoff get a look-in with all the sexy sandstones around?
(or is she also a rock nerd)

the midges were pretty awful given the lack of wind (hence mostly staying in coastal campsites) but I took the approach that after the first week there wasn't any patch of unbitten skin left for them to feast upon
permalink She had a pretty Torrid(onian) time of it
I oohed and ahed at a few rocks, but generally behaved.
permalink All sounds pretty idyllic.
permalink sounds like fun
on the other hand, going on holiday with a 4-y-o is a fucking ballache.
permalink A colleague of mine with a 2yo and a 4yo
Rented a cottage 30 mins from their house on the basis that's like a million miles for the sprogs and they couldn't face any real journey
permalink makes sense. we're really close to a centerparcs
which she fucking loves. Unfortunately it's a million pounds a week.
permalink later
I've made my choice, granted, but holidays with kids are fucking horrific.
permalink .
https://imgur.com/fEJBO4L
permalink on another note
a few quid each way on Adam Yates each way in the Tour might not be the worst bet ever.
permalink Are you getting decent odds on that
??
permalink Ladbrokes is currently 16/1 without Froome
Betfair was similar
permalink hmmm that's not bad.
the TTT will swing things sky's way. but MTS aren't shabby at that either.. depends who they bring.

permalink I'd assume Froome will win, possibly a.n. other Sky rider
Bardet or the usual suspects up there too, it's too big a race for too much of a surprise. But both Yateses look really good.
permalink That is a splendid trip.
I know most of those spots, of course... but haven't done all those hills.

We were in Scotland the first week of your two and had similarly awesome weather!

Oh and did a quick pop up on Saturday this weekend to see the Rolling Stones at Murrayfield...
permalink that does sound amazing
especially taking your wife up the Chailleach
thread Peter Stringfellow
was once asked to move tables at Maze restaurant, at my behest initially. We were half way through a large and very expensive tasting menu when he took the next table with his granddaughter*, and such were the choking fumes of aftershave that wafted off him that first I, then several other tables complained. He was moved to a distant table, but you could still smell the fucker.

*May not have been his granddaughter
permalink Always was a bit unwholesome
Weird bloke.
permalink Good to see b3ta
being tasteful as always;- https://www.b3ta.com/c...
permalink Some corkers
in there. I couldn't look at work earlier.
permalink dunno, I reckon that makes you sound worse than him
the hair was a bit much, but he seems to have basically beaten off (so to speak) the whole of 1970s Soho to get rich.
permalink Nah, I'm just a cunt.
He's a cunt's cunt.
permalink I'm all for calling folks cunts at the drop of a twat
but asking someone to move cos you can't breathe due to excess stink is hardly cunty. Especially when that cunts a cunt like the Fellow of String
permalink May the lord have mercy
on Stringy Pete
permalink hahaha




(message ends)
permalink Just be careful
In Millets
permalink That tune was playing yesterday
as I drove round The Shade roundabout in Soham with me shouting that line to anyone who'd listen :D
permalink It was all anyone could smell.
And when you're paying £100 for a tasting menu of exquisite beauty prepared by Sarge himself, you want to be able to taste it.

There are plenty of other reasons Stringfellow was a cunting cunt's cunt, but this time it's personal.
permalink A rather more sad celebrity death;
Anthony Bourdain has died. I had a lot of time for him.
permalink No way?
Shit. I liked him enormously.
permalink And suicide apparently???
Blimey.
permalink Yeah,
a terribly sad way to go.

permalink I'm genuinely sad about that one
Glad I got to eat at Les Halles.

His Les Halles cookbook was one of the first things my now wife bought as a birthday present when we started going out. Holiday reading list has had a book added to it, Kitchen Confidential top of the list now.
permalink Kitchen Confidential is brilliant
Hilarious, bonkers, fast-paced, drug-fuelled lunacy.
permalink This.
Very much this. Apparently he wrote it because he had to stop cheffing because his knees were fucked.
permalink And now getting slightly tearful, FFS.
OK, here's a thing. Let's have you. What celeb deaths have you been tearful about?

Me? Pricess Diana, Neil Armstrong, Andy Williams, David Bowie
permalink Bowie, John Peel
Can't think of many others tbh. Definitely not Di. I was so glad to leave the country for a week the day after
permalink Fuck yeah,
John Peel too
permalink Pratchett, Bowie,
Prince, Pratchett.
permalink Ah, yes
Sir Pterry and also Douglas Adams
permalink and Peel.
permalink John Peel.
I didn't know Neil Armstrong was dead.

Pratchett made me sad, as did Ian Banks.
permalink Actually yes
Iain M Banks in particular. The fact there'd never be another Culture novel hurt
permalink Yeah.
His last novel was fine (the one with teh guy dying of cancer), but I'd have loved to read more Culture stuff.
permalink very sad especially for his daughter
https://www.broadsheet...
permalink Just received a parcel for MrsJam
addressed to a name she used when we met. She's out, and I'm incredibly curious to know who sent it.

Edit: It was something she'd ordered off ebay.
thread Just turned up for a meeting at a project office.
They have meeting rooms called Lennox, Winehouse, and Morrissey.
permalink I’ve been to meetings at Google a few times in the last year.
They have meeting rooms called Life On Mars, Scary Monsters Super Creeps, Space Oddity and Heroes. The cunts.
permalink I bet all the little wankers want to use the Heroes room.
Tiny-pricked microwankers.
permalink This.
Very much this.
permalink I'm sure I saw
the Tiny-Pricked Microwankers opening for the Fall once
permalink You're usually just glad to be able to get any room
and it's usually auto-assigned based on whatever's nearest your desk
permalink It's infuriating because you can't ever work out where a room is meant to be
Our building is about 90% in alphabetical order which is still enough to make us always need to check the map
permalink Our old office
Had named them after locations of our hotels and offices

I don't THINK anyone ever flew to head office in Atlanta for a meeting instead of going up to the first floor... But I cannot be sure. Bora Bora is also unlikely
permalink my old company had meeting rooms named after painters
but painters nobody had ever heard of, and not in a cool "oh so and so from Norway is so hip you've probably never heard of him" way, but just shit ones from Birmingham. So everyone just used the room numbers.

A company I'm working with at the moment seem to have named them after their successful drugs, which at least makes sense. "Just off for a meeting in Viagra, then we'll do the team call in Valium".
permalink Ours are generally Maori legends of some kind
some of whom are also oilfields. Such as Kupe, Kapuni. Then a bird, also an oilfield (Tui) and a tree (Tawa) and I've gone blank on the others.
permalink Ours are named after London mainline stations
we have 5 of them, and we've been in this office for 18 months, and I still have no idea which is which.
permalink Oh yes, the other one is Wainui
Which is a number of places, an oilwell, but its literal translation from Te Reo is "big mouth". Perfect for a meeting room!
permalink I like that.
etc
permalink I just heard an archdeacon say 'fuck.
Twice.
permalink I'm googling archdeacons now to try and guess which one
I reckon it's the archdeacon of Guildford who's just discovered there's an archdeacon of Italy and fancies the job, so he's offering him out.
permalink or 'her' I suppose
let's be modern about it.
permalink Brian, the vicar of the
Methodist church in Heaton back when I lived up there, used to cuss more than I did. Excellent bloke he was too.
permalink Is the Morrissey one the one on the far-right?
...
.
permalink *likes*
On the far right and full of shit.
thread Happy birthday Al!
permalink This.
In Other News, I have a boil on my bum. It is very painful.
permalink It's l337 o'clock
`

bollocks
permalink Indeed
almost 40.
permalink the tipping point
of closer to 40 than 30*
permalink Orbit completion felicitations
You ridiculously young bastard! ;-)
permalink Quite right.
My Al has expressed interest in seeing some Nocturne cycling on Saturday, although we're also arranging to see Solo in the evening so we might be there earlier rather than later (if we do go)
permalink may well see you there then
the earlier stuff includes the sillier races. The Penny Farthing race is not to be missed.
permalink hat
hat!
permalink This, of course!
....