thread VERY IMPORTANT POLL
Custard / creme anglaise - same thing or different?
permalink Different but equally delicious.
I thought creme anglais was confectioners custard like what you get in a bun.
permalink Custard
Innabun?
permalink no, that's creme patissiere
which is something else entirely. Although I forget how. Much thicker, cornflour?
permalink custard is from powder
Creme anglais is from Michel Roux or something.
permalink Creme anglais
Is a thin type of custard
permalink Custard 101.
Crème anglaise (French for "English cream") is a light pouring custard used as a dessert cream or sauce. It is a mix of sugar, egg yolks and hot milk, often flavoured with vanilla.
Custard is essentially the same but often made with more egg yolks and therefore thicker.
Then there is instant custard which has cornflour in and colouring.
Creme patisserie is made from eggs sugar and flour and add hot milk. This forms a thicker cream as a filling.
permalink And who are you
who are so wise in the ways of custard?
permalink How do you lot not know?
Custard 4 life
permalink Custard 101 - rocked the
Peel tent at Glasto '86
permalink And sausage custard
Is salty.
I like to cook
A
Lot.
permalink *smuts*
permalink oh..
permalink I say!
permalink thank you all
I feel vindicated
permalink I feel like custard for breakfast
..
permalink if i had a dodgy tummy i'd chase my double espressos with
a shot of hot birds eye.. must try that again soon
permalink and lady custard is a mix of
joy and horniness
permalink I just wrote an exeat slip for my daughter to attend her school friend's funeral tomorrow.
That was no fun at all.
permalink oh dear, that's not nice.
...

permalink No, and from an entirely selfish standpoint, it has utterly removed the option of
Escape for me, too.

I really do not know what I am going to do about me now. I am unsure I can go on, but cannot see any other options.

I will be single and desolate and I cannot imagine a way to avoid it. I just cannot go on like this, but there appears to be no alternative to going on.
permalink Single what what what what?
How's it going with the therapist? Someone else I know is also having the crazy eye treatment.
permalink I finished the course.
It helped a lot with the PTSD, if I am honest, I wake screaming with markedly less frequency, but (and not just because it makes me right all along) the PTSD was not the problem.

The problem is that I have no idea what to do.
permalink Oh, I am about to start a CBT course
And am heavily mediated.

None of this is helping and Jim told me last night that she cannot put up with it any more.
permalink I like the idea of being heavily mediated
That feels like it might work.

Medicated, obviously.
permalink Well in terms of "doing", it sounds like you're doing a lot already,
and you might need more time with these things.
permalink Well, I am trying,
But I appear to be out of time.
permalink No you're not,
Jim being a dick is shit but your kids still exist and love you and you love them, and she may feel differently another day.
permalink She is not being a dick
She married a happy go lucky adventurous young man and now lives with an irritable shit who is so miserable with life with her that he tried to top himself.

She did not sign up for this and it is making her unhappy. She deserves better.

Not sure how I'll cope though, she is my everything.
permalink Your post and my post
are not mutually exclusive.
permalink I need that
explaining.
permalink Well, from the wrong side of the internet and easy for me to say
but she's lived with your mental state all this time, and now that you're trying to help yourself she's had enough. That, from my perspective, is dickish.

However everything you said is true and understandable.

Hence, both things can be true.
permalink I guess that
telling her was the mistake?
permalink No not really.
Aside from that, have you been on the meds more than 3 months? If it is you should tell the doctor they're not working.
permalink No.
I think they are working, to be honest - I think that the lulls accentuate the bad bits for her.
permalink Perhaps a little break would do you good?
Take 3 months and live somewhere else perhaps, it doesn't have to be forever, nothing ever is. You have the benefit of some flexibility in your job, at least.
Maybe Jim will realise what she misses, you will gain some perspective, and begin to appreciate what is good and bad about what you have. Just a thought.

For my tuppence (phnar) it sounds like you are finally really doing something about it, which is something we'd all been hoping for for literally years.
It's never going to be easy, but doing something to deal with the problem is the first step and it's a fricking massive one. You should allow yourself to be slightly proud for a minute.
permalink I am not, I am ashamed.
I should have stayed strong - everything was working before, except for me. Now nothing is working and I let them down.
permalink It was always going to stop working somehow.
Trust me on this, what you're doing is the right way round, and will net out to less pain overall in the end.

Don't be ashamed. Everyone gets depressed, literally everyone to one degree or another, and there is no shame in it whatsoever.
From my point of view, you're a far better man for facing up to the black dog than you were when you were trying to carry on with it on your back.
I suspect there will be a number of replies to this post confirming that others share this opinion.
permalink *gloves on*
*hands up*
permalink Well, yes, on paper,
but not if my wife fucks off.

If that happens I did the wrong thing entirely.
permalink you can't fully take on her choices as your fault
its team work.

Neither me or Scotty chose for him to have cancer, I am however sticking through it even though He's had some swings in all directions.
IF he hadn't been ill and treated me like he has I might have left him by now.
Maybe have a chat with Jim and discuss positive actions, timelines to help, give yourself chances and ask her to join you on that.
permalink This, of course, in spades.
I've been on the other side, and it is hard to stick with someone who is sick or depressed.
I expect Jim will need some time to process it all, and should eventually appreciate that she needs to stick by you to help you recover, for the good of the whole family.
permalink Of course it is hard for her
but if she leaves I am basically devoid of any hope.

Providing for her has been all I have done for the last 8 years or so, I have no other passtimes.
permalink it may be hard to beleive,
but you would find new things to do... and that might actually help.

also no matter, what you'd be providing for the kids.

permalink I think that is it.
Despite me having stood by her through a long period of madness after baby #3, she does not think of it as an illness when I have it, she just thinks I am being a prick.
permalink can she talk to your therapist person?
....
permalink No.
Can't imagine any reputable therapist going for that.
permalink well you sort of are being a prick
and I know that won't help you telling you that.

What have you done to be nice to her lately? Have you gone out together?
Have you done anything nice for yourself.

1, make a plan to have good activities for yourself so you can care and love yourself more.
2, same again but aimed at her. She has to feel that the relationship is worth hanging on to, so you and her have to make the effort to make it nice. Dates, flowers, nice surprises.
3, then stuff you can do together as a family because thats what you're there for. NOT just to support them, its to be with them as a family.

Also just remember its been a long dark winter. The summer is coming, going out and doing stuff will be MUCH easier.
permalink This is also spot on.
I find that trying to make another person happy generally makes me happier too.
permalink Oh, I know that
I totally understand why me being a mopey shit is not fun for her.

When I had a broken back she cared for me - now she seems less able to acknowledge that it is not 'me' but the illness - I understand why, but it is hard not to secretly resent that, after I cared for her when she was similarly (but less extensively) ill.
permalink because probably
like most women She's SO FUCKING TIRED OF TRYING.
This is why you both need to be nicer to each other and to yourselves.

I had this conversation with my parents when I was twelve. They tried to split up. I told them both to try harder,
You'll be surprised how much better it will make you feel that you're not giving up. Same goes for Jim. She could probably do with a break, or something but hitting each other with the same stick every day will eventually break both of you
permalink well you haven't let them down.. you've just stumbled a bit in their eyes
if jim is only now finding out about the extent of your brain hurts (though didn't she have this url so could have checked anytime)
it might be a bit of a shock and she should calm down
you're best of mates AND so far a successful team.. she can't throw in the towel just because shit got rough
they haven't wanted for anything material.. you've seen to that and now you need a bit of support from them to patch yourself up and continue on to the next steps.. whatever they maybe
she'd be an idiot to leave you.. and a bloody bad friend
permalink I get your point
but I can see why it might be good for Jim to leave for her own sanity and she has to take hers and the kids health in to the same question.

Overall the main point is to try and understand each other and help where they can until they can't. She may need to walk away so Manley can learn to love himself again. Its a really tough call and nobody but Jim and Manley together can decide on all that.

I suggest a holiday. Or at least a day with NOTHING for anyone to do but be nice to each other for a day.
permalink Do you know, it had not really occurred to me that she would tae the girls with her.
I sort of assume that I am their protector.

I thought it would mean quitting work and buying a smaller house to live in with them.
permalink I thought it would mean quitting work and buying a smaller house to live in with them.
Why is quitting your job and moving to a smaller house only an option if Jim leaves?

Working seems to be bad for you. Since you consider quitting a viable option in particular circumstances perhaps it's worth broadening your considerations.
permalink Because I have no excuse, and I have no plan for what to do instead
Sometimes having my hand forced feels useful.
permalink I feel like that
but I cannot say that without making her leaving a certainty.
permalink Oh, and I very much doubt that she has ever looked here,
she is not really bothered with Internets.
permalink as a former depressee
my hand is definitely up.
permalink likewse
and likewise
permalink *flinches*
*bites down*
permalink OUCH!
i told you.. only-in-the-right-place
permalink sorry, did that
catch you by surprise?
permalink most of us here have been/are depressed to some extent
My missus finds it very hard to understand, and we've certainly had problems, but at the end of the day we are far better together, we still love each other, and we had to learn to talk about it so we could both process it.

Don't do anything stupid, take some time. If you need to get someone neutral and professional to talk with, do.
permalink I wish I had never talked to her about it.
She is angry because it is something she cannot talk to people about.

She went out the other night and when she came back she and her awful feminist friend* were laughing about how I am like another dad to her.

*Not all feminism is awful - this girl's feminism is awful.
permalink Why can she not talk to people about it?
Obviously you don't want it wildly public, but it seems only fair that she can talk to one or two close friends, or a semi anonymous internet message board or something.
permalink A semi-anonymous internet board is the best thing for this, incidentally.
Many of you are cunts, but you are my cunts and I love you.
permalink More seriously, we have few friends which are not joint friends or colleagues.
Most of her friends are people who used to be my friends and then I worked away too much.

We got together via mutual friends and kind of always both got on with people or not at all.

We really are exceptionally well matched, despite being complete polar opposites.
permalink I have not demanded anything, obviously
but she does not want people thinking there are issues because she thinks it will accentuate them.

I am pleased, but only privately. I probably appear hugely dominant to our friends, but really I am all front and no trousers.
permalink Aw shit.
Friend of mines daughter saw a boy slip over stair railings at school about a month back. He dies 3 days later.
I'll repeat what I said to her, is there any craft or music your daughter loves that she could use it to create something to either be in memory of, to be like that person or a reminder. Paint a picture she would like to give them? In my friends case her child wrote a tune on her clarinet for the boy.
permalink Oh dear, not good.
This weekend was the 20th anniversary of 4 people from my school year dying in a car accident one lunchtime.
permalink and even less fun
for your daughter
permalink Indeed.
She pulled up about half a gallon of vomit earlier, and I am fairly sure it is just grief.
permalink and custard
..
permalink Whilst not wishing to make to light a joke
of an unpleasant situation, "grief-custard" does sound like something the Germans would come up with as a concept, à la Kummerspeck
permalink More
trauervanillepudding.
thread I've finally got round to getting some new glasses
it's weird being able to see in 3D again.

What can you see?
permalink Were the old ones
2D glasses?

I can only see the normal boring stuff - desks, rooftops, colleagues. Maybe I should've got special contact lenses.
permalink they were just old and knackered
these are a bit Eric Morecambe, but I can see properly
permalink Nothing wrong
with Eric Morecombe.
permalink This may be a possible spoiler,
but I think there's quite a lot wrong with Eric Morecombe these days
permalink I'm cycling with a mate in ghent this weekend
we managed a nice and respectable 30 miles after we drove over this morning.... and swung through central ghent to finish to get a bit of a preview, it seemed only sensible to have a beer.


i can now see in 4D.
permalink you seem to have gone there
on a rare weekend at this time of year when there's no racing on in the area.
permalink Indeed
I didn't check as well
permalink the pros that aren't at Paris-Nice or Tirreno-Adriatico
are up in Drenthe in the north of the Netherlands.

we had a cycling club showing (plus exceptionally good buffet dinner) of "A Sunday in Hell" last night, which I've been meaning to see for a while. 1976 Paris-Roubaix. So very very 70s. Beautifully shot and edited, with great lingering shots showing gaps at various points in the races. Terrifying wallpaper in a bar. Mechanics travelling, even on the pavé, on the outside of vehicles- either crouched on the roof or standing on the windowsill hanging on to the uprights of the roof rack.
permalink i think i've seen it on youtube ages ago... i should re-watch
....
permalink I'm glad you typed 'ghent' twice.
I wasn't sure whether you'd really cocked up your 'k' or if you actually meant ghent.
permalink even worse
there is also a place called Genk.
permalink ...
https://twitter.com/Eu...
permalink magic of the cup
a few years ago AEK played AIK in the Champions league.
permalink We are staying right next to the stadium
We didn't notice the game was on until the taxi driver taking us home mentioned it
permalink Just remember to keep your
feet down!
permalink Can someone have a look at my facebook at tell me what you can see about me please?
I am hoping I am fairly well deleted, but I am unsure.
permalink I can still
see lots of photos, including the 7 teas fancy dress. but no posts. Still also if you want to clean it down for US travel you might need to lose some of the lefty friends like me.
permalink On my wall there are photos or you have to look at my photos?
Hm.
permalink You know you can view your profile as other people see it?
Go to your profile page and click the three dots (···), then click "View As..."
permalink I do, but - for example,
when I look at photographs and then albums it stops working and I become me again.
permalink I had my eyes tested last week
39 and I can still pick a couple of letters off the bottom row. Not bad at all.
permalink it's an image of my new landlord
shaking my hand when he had keys in his.. once could have been a mistake
but twice is taking the piss.. i'll have to keep a close eye on the cunt
thread Guess the airport!
Clues: it's bright and sunny

but still grey

permalink Rhoose Cardiff International Airport/Maes Awyr Rhyngwladol Caerdydd Y Rhws?
(Longest English language train station name in GB, fact fans)
permalink not that one.. if i end up there later, I'll be having words
....
permalink From what I can tell,
it would be ten words, but one of them's just a single letter, and another five are unknown to me.
permalink we had a dog with rhyngwladol
when I was a kid
permalink Obviously I've cheated and seen Facebook first
But the grey is the big clue here. Such a grey place. So very grey
permalink the locals would disagree but we all know the truth
...
permalink they made grey granite
the required building/cladding choice. Their bloody fault it's so grey
permalink Frankfurt?
Very fucking grey airport.
permalink it is.. the ariport isn' the greyest thing about this place
...
lots of helicopters to look at though
permalink I had a nice beer and sandwich
at Frankfurt airport. Other than that, it was an airport.
permalink About to board
It was aberdeen

I think there are more people in the priority queue than the normal , but that's BA for you

This time next week I'll be bronze

thread ARSE.
Came in at 8.30, worked like a panicking crazy man for an hour, got on a webex for 2 hours, worked like a crazy man some more, stuffed lunch down, now have to go to a shit building site, then to a meeting, then home to do more work.

*asplodes*
permalink then you realised it's actually sunday.
I spend thursday - sunday digging out the garden and building a greenhouse, with my dad, and a hangover for part of it.

sitting still in the office, not being told how i'm doing something wrong every 4 minutes is quite refreshing.
permalink I have spent much of today reviewing CVs.
There's an awful lot of dross out there, but I can particularly guarantee I will never give a job to someone who submits their CV written in the third person.
permalink I'm guessing the second person is also
a no-no.
permalink You are strongly discouraged
from using it
permalink Jackofspeed will
never use it again
permalink All work and no play
makes jackofspeed a dull boy?
permalink God, I did a load of that yesterday
The range in quality is depressing. And I only saw the "good" shortlist!

Is it wrong that I want to punch anyone that spells focused "focussed"? Which sadly, as per an e-mail of yesterday, would also include our new CEO
permalink I think that if focussed is your punching threshold,
then you must be in a constant state of beating people.

My issue at the moment is "suicided"
I understand that the phrase "commit suicide" is a bad one and needs to be taken out of use, but "took their own life" or "killed themselves" are both entirely valid and already in general use, so we have no need to suddenly turn the word "suicide" into a verb!
It's needless linguistic proliferation
permalink Verbing things is also terrible
Any focussed punching is merely metaphorical, but it's just one of those that really gets my goat for some reason

Also, in unrelated news, I see Manley is back on BaceFook
permalink Just logged in to run a script
i do so periodically - when I have deleted everything I shall return properly - in the interim I am on Facebook Messenger still.
permalink Aye, I just saw you were active on messenger
Given I barely ever go on the twitters, I thought this of note
permalink I am always on messenger.
On my 'phone.
permalink Did you use the verbed verb "to verb"
in a knowingly satirical way here?
permalink Maybe...
permalink It is just Scottissshness
I prefer it that way, like Invernessshire
permalink Is it a Scotsss thing?
I was not aware of this...

permalink I've got a weird week
all kinds of shit could go mental, but might not, so I'm kind off edgy. But after the last couple of months I can't decide if it's better like this.
permalink I forgot
today was cheese and wine at lunch, not all bad then.
permalink I went to Guildford
To stick a light on a forklift truck in a warehouse, jack it up 5m and take measurements.
permalink When you took measurements
Was it 5m higher than before?
permalink *snort*
permalink I had a webex on Monday morning
which was easy and done in an hour.

I then found out I hadn't got a job I applied for, which is ok because I wasn't entirely sure I wanted it and it meant I wasn't forced into a difficult decision about staying or leaving.

I then had my Tuesday and Wednesday day-long appointments cancelled, leaving me with an unexpectedly clear week for me to catch up on stuff.
thread Happy March!
Where does the time go, eh?
permalink I know!
It only seems a few days since New Year.

I need about two extra weeks between now and Saturday.
permalink pinch/punch
etc. It's continuing to look springlike out there and there are snowdrops in my garden. Also my rhubarb plant has begun it's annual rise to MAHOOSIVENESS.
permalink no daffs?
permalink I've never had daffs
in that garden in 5 years :/
permalink come October/November
buy a load of bulbs and stick them in the ground, they're cheap and easy to grow
permalink I could do with some colour
in there. When I moved in there was bunches of begonias an' shit but over the years they've died off and all that appears to grow are cats.
permalink any decent garden centre
will have bloody tonnes of bulbs come autumn, and the internet obviously. Piece of piss to grow. Dig a hole, chuck them in, leave.
permalink I dare you to put out bulbs
That read "horse cock" when they bloom all across the garden
permalink hah, if only
my garden was that big ;)
permalink surely you could fit in a modest CDC?
?
permalink oh yes,
I mean, I COULD do the wording but I'd have to enbulb my lawn or remove a few bushes. Or just do what I normally do and sit out there in the nip.
permalink or "fuck spring"
.......
permalink BOINGGGG!!!
or should that be BOINNNK?
permalink I'm getting all excited
for our holiday in 3 weeks.

made Scotty stand on the scales today. 6kg gain in about a month. Damn those steroids are doing good. Shame about the water retention in his feets. He's going to have to have hosiery..
permalink I am now picturing what 6kg
worth of water retained in the feet looks like

This aside: Yay! Go Scotty!
permalink its not all in his feet
which look rather more painful than he says they feel. But he is the one on fentanyl patches so I guess the pain is relative.

anyway we're cleared for holidays and he's been told that standing up in 2m of water (if he can breathe) is a good thing to help his feet go down. We will be swimming on hols.
permalink Is he turning into a hobbitses?
But yay for hollibobs
permalink Dagenham.

AQ: is the 2015-2016 income tax year april 15 to april 16?

permalink The 15-16 tax year is April 15 - April 16
Is that what you mean? If not, someone's done a typo.
permalink *cough*
i have no idea what you mean.

permalink Well the 2016-2016 tax year is infinitesimally short,
but I would assume the 2016-2017 tax year runs April 6 2016 to April 5 2017

edit: and the 2015-2016 tax year ran from April 6 2015 to April 5 2016
permalink that was what i meant, must be something wrong with this website
... i got my annual tax summary and thought it's numbers were a bit odd.
permalink i've never been to dagenham yet i have a
strange draw to visit.. is this wrong?
permalink yes
it's like barking, but more UKIP-y
permalink not sure but i have ash all over my face from cleaning
out my uncle Dave's wood burning stove
permalink smuts
oh... you're serious.
;)
permalink Budum-Tish
.
permalink it was ash wednesday/st davids
the board seems to have eaten the bit about me not caring as he was a saint.. oh well
permalink oh I get it now
damn the board is getting flakey these days
permalink hard to investigate as it hasn't happened to me
I have a theory though...so keep telling me when it happens folks
permalink I don't think
its happened to me yet either.
not sure. Must keep posting to test.
permalink newspaper, water and little ash for the windows
....
permalink I need to talk about cars again.
My boss mentioned something about the PAYE value of my company car of £4,892. What is this and how can I find out what it is for other cars?
permalink I assume he means the Cash Equivalent Value
This will tell you what it is:
http://www.parkers.co....

Edit: it's basically the P11D value of the car (which you should have on your annual P11D form - given to you each April by your employer) multiplied by the Benefit in Kind percentage (which should also be on your P11D form)
permalink ok, ta
permalink That will be about right, it's what the government thinks
You gain by being given a company car (don't get me started)

All they do is reduce your tax free allowance by that amount
permalink Right, so my boss thinks I'm worth wage+£4,892
`
permalink it means if you get a company car
you pay tax on that nearly 5 grand on top, but usually a year after you've had it.
That whacked me hard once. Getting to pay back extra tax.
permalink no your boss thinks you are worth wage+whatever it actually costs them for the car
the government thinks they owe you them tax on Wage+£4892

permalink My company offers a cash equivalent, which is usually slightly more than the £4892 figure.
The sum here is therefore whether you can afford to run the car yourself for the cash equivalent less the tax

I think I get taxed on about £5300 for the car, and I'd get paid an extra £5500 if the company didn't supply it. So can I finance and maintain an appropriate car (there are restrictions here, like age and type) for £3300 per year (£5500, after tax)? Frankly, no, not a chance.
permalink i now take the cash,
which is abotu £7k so works out on the right side... though spending £2k on a gearbox last year probably wiped out my profit margin.
permalink We're not allowed cars older than 4 years,
so with my mileage it just doesn't compute really.
The cash allowance doesn't really cover the depreciation, let alone any interest, insurance or maintenance.
permalink I like March
clocks go forward, it's my birthday, sometimes it's Easter, you get daffodils
permalink I am in Paris acting as support crew for the missus
Doing the half marathon (le "semi")

Saw this and thought of you all

http://imgur.com/Q41qGB0
permalink imgur blocked on East Coast train wifi
Amazed that we're not, tbh.
permalink I hope any cheering from the sidelines
will therefore include the phrase "get a lob on"