thread Ooh. A new iPhone 8 has been dumped on my desk.
Now to spend several hours making the supposedly easy transfer process work.

What's new on this thing anyway?
permalink From the 7?
face recognition is surprisingly useful and the camera is much better again.

I am going to try and buy another 6s though, because I value my jack plug too much.
permalink oh... yes. I see I don't have a jack anymore.
Although there is lighting to jack adaptor in the box, thankfully. Another bit of crap to car about and lose though.

Does the 8 do the facial thing? I must have a play later.
permalink Nope. You need an X for facial recognition.
permalink And animoji. And portrait mode on camera.
And almost everything new, feature-wise.

This just a faster 7 as far as I can see.
permalink Although 4 times the memory will be useful!
It’s nice but absolutely nothing new...
permalink That sucks a bit, I think -
I do need to both charge my iPhone and use a headset at times (or can you get a 2-way dongle?)
permalink It appears you can
Prices vary over an insane range... £2.98 to over £30...
permalink Hmm.
I do need to upgrade soon.
permalink I need to upgrade too,
my trusty 5S is getting long in the tooth.
permalink I replaced my 5S with the SE.
Pretty much the same phone except with better processor and sturdier casing.
permalink Arses, I think mine IS an SE.
It's the one that's basically the same as the 'standard' 6 but with a smaller screen.

*edit* ah, nope, it's an S. Hmm....*ponder*
permalink The SE was based on the 5,
it's for people who can't be arsed upgrading every fucking year.
permalink I'm doing well with this
one, had it 3.5 years and it was 2yo when *I* got it.
permalink I got Bluetooth cans for Christmas and I love them.
They've got a microphone in too but it's not great, I thought I'd do for work but my proper USB headset is much better.

I suspect it's the combination of cheap phone and cheap headset which makes the connection a bit fragile but I just have to have my phone in the correct pocket.

Being able to put jacket, coat and bag on without having to dance with the wire is good, as is being able to walk away from the source without accidental taking it with me or having the headphones ripped off. And if I just want to use them as ear warmers then I don't have to tuck the wire away.
permalink I have several different bluetooth headphones.
I hate them.

I have to very occasionally make lots of calls on the move, back to back - this means that I have to charge both the 'phone and the earphones AND use them at the same time.

This is a niche use case, but my options are to carry multiple bluetooth headphones and charge my 'phone or use a cable which splits and allows charging and wired earphones.

It feels like a deliberate obsolescence and I detest it.
permalink Don't let the Spaniard shove this one up your arse too
permalink I’m not sure it’s lube proof
So I won’t bother.
permalink Guess the airport dining outlet!
I'm early for my flight, the whole airport is dead, it's almost pleasant.

permalink Wagamama.
Nice food in T5.
permalink Wagamama is a good bet
I say Gatwick North Terminal (you'd think I'd have an advantage here but I totally can't remember what he told me yesterday)
permalink Gatwick North is correct.
I don't think there is a wagamama here.. or else that would have suited perfectly.
permalink Isn't there one upstairs near Pret?
Or am I thinking of a different airport/terminal?
permalink I don't think there's a Wagamama at GTW.
Deffo at LHR
permalink Bigger, missed that in my search.
It was comptoir libanais which was ok but steep for what you got, and only sell Pepsi.

permalink The internet tells me
there are two

permalink Now I want noodles
But find myself in an unsuitable location
permalink Sloggis too?
permalink Yes as it happens
But boxers not those deviant brief things
permalink Boxers are horrifically uncomfortable.
They crawl up one’s arse and one’s penis flops about uncontrollably. I prefer my undercarriage to be held snugly by my pants.
permalink He means trunks, not boxers,
a brief interlude on the internet tells me.
permalink Trunks are slightly better,
but tangas are best.
permalink Jockstraps
permalink The whole strap up one’s crack thing
is very uncomfortable
permalink Just ask
The boy with the Arab strap
permalink It’s a genuine issue for those of us with the larger member
Can’t abide the flopping.
permalink I have a pair of Calvin Klein boxers with a button at the front
and my cock could just escape, and once out it stayed out.

It was awful.
permalink With loose boxers...'s the dangle down the leg that's just grim.
permalink This.
Keeps bumping my knee.
permalink Sorry,
I should stand further back.
permalink Gets jammed against the ankle when sitting down
permalink Was discussing how to hide erections
With the young man and he said he could tuck it under his belt... I told him some men can’t do that even when erect.
permalink I cannot.
This is not to do with penis size, but to do with body size.

I had a girlfriend who was making fun of me because my cock did not reach my belly button. I measured it and to reach my navel it would have to be 16" long - to get it to my belt it would have to be a foot long.

I was 6'3" with a 29" inside leg.
permalink I reinforce belts specially.
permalink Stansted Wetherspoons
try the over-cooked burger
permalink I am close to a whetherspoons, but not in one

it's a relative new-comer to the airport food casual dining sector
permalink Greasy Ron's
Pilchard and Liver Shack
permalink He is very expansive in his franchising vision
But sadly not made it to LGW yet
thread Leaving excretion aside for the moment...
How's everyone?

I took minilluminator to see Jumanji. Very silly, much fun, good gags, and well... Karen Gillan.
permalink went out for dinner and drinks with visiting friends
came home, kitchen stinking of gas. Call out emergency gas man. Go downstairs to check on neighbours, all the lights are off. Naked man with red eyes opens door, says, "what?" as the stench of gas fumes knocks me backwards. I point out the smell. He shuffles in, returns a couple of minutes later, goes, "oh right, yeah, sorry, left something on."

Think I might just have saved his life, but not sure how happy they are with the gas man who arrived an hour later and insisted on checking everything in both our flats.

Neighbours, eh.
permalink Blimey
I don;t think he gets to be unhappy about it really. Arsehole.
permalink I enjoyed Jumanji much more than I expected.
And yes...Karen Gillan.

Any of you London types recommend a comfortable and economical hotel/ b and b within walking distance of Ally Pally?
permalink Not my end of town...
Must be something up there that isn't too eye-wateringly expensive/hideously crap.
permalink Economical and London do not go together
Alistair suggests Green Rooms in Wood Green
permalink Thank you very much
Will take a looky shortly.
permalink Or the holiday inn express golders green

There is a newish Travelodge in finsbury park that might not be awful yet

Airbnb is likely to be your best bet
permalink Holiday Inn looks fine, thanks.
The Green Rooms look great but there's not a chance in hell my missus would go for a shared bathroom!!! Haha
permalink it's not the closest, but handy-ish if you are driving
then jump in an uber to ally pally.

permalink Went to see the Gursky show at the Hayward,
it's *superb*. Home via Wahaca for lovely veggie enchiladas and a couple of light beers. Currently fannying about in the kitchen making Queso Fresco and listening to two new Northern Soul albums, will start making later for tea. Will watch the second half of Blade Runner 2049 tonight, loved the first half last night.
permalink Wacuntinghaca???
I thought you'd dumped them. Did they actually manage to serve you in an acceptable period of time, bring what you actually ordered, not give it to someone else by mistake, and not make you wait while the staff all had a good social chat?
permalink I do want to see the Gursky.
But Wahaca can fuck off for the foreseeable future.

I am disappointed by your capitulation.
permalink The Waterloo branch
is the best one, always has been. We had our order taken in about 10 mins, the food was out 10 mins later, and the bill was corrrect. I shall alert Thomasina.
permalink I'm off the whole thing at the moment, after absolutely incompetent and "fuck you" treatment... three different branches.

They don't deserve the money unless they sort out their shit staff (which may mean making it worth their while to not be shit - I don't know the situation. Maybe it's a crap company to work for.)
permalink I don't know what they're like to work for,
but the fact that the same manager has been at the Waterloo branch for three years now suggests they're at least OK. The ones I really hated were the Southbank and Brixton branches, they were fucking shite.

Thing is, I'm just craving Mexican food at the moment; we're cooking a lot of it at home too.

Another place we've been to recently is Latin America/Japanese place Mommi in Clapham. Just lovely.

permalink Ooh... that looks good...
I don't often venture down that way, but...
permalink It's *well* worth it.
Five of us ate rings round ourselves there last week, with wine and beer, for £32 a head.
permalink Sold.
Damn. That's two places I need to head down that way for now.
permalink Arses,
I was going to reccommend The Manor, also in Clapham, but it seems it's been retooled and re-opened by the same guys as Sorella:- https://www.sorellares...
permalink I think you previouslt commended it to me
I clearly didn't get there in time...
permalink I'm assuming Ms Gillan is not painted blue in this one?
And not too bad. Good weekend, and bank holiday on Tuesday, so today is a nice chilled day in the office with feck all cow-orkers about
permalink She is not.
She is fab and kick-ass and very funny and sexy as hell and ok, I have had a bit of a thing about her for ages.

Trying not to think about work as I speed south on a train that some cunt has filled with The Worst Fart Of All Time.
permalink we just watched trainspotting2
that wa mutch more depressing than we hoped for a sunday evening
permalink I loved it, to be honest
I mean, what were you expecting?

Not as depressing as the original to be fair. And bloody funny in places.
permalink yeah... it had all the death and heroin and stuff.. with just more
middle aged angst.

permalink Missed it at the cinema, do need to catch up with it
I am also led to believe the Rubberbandits feature
permalink Yep,
Your Dad's Best Friend is in a scene where Renton and Sick Boy are catching up. Not just the song, but the video is on the TV in the background. Apparently, that song is the Rubberbandits trying to be The Prodigy.
permalink There seemed to be a lot of "people sitting in front of the telly"
In that film
permalink The Rangers/Loyalist club scene and subsequent denoument is genius though
permalink That was good actually
permalink I thought it was pretty poor.
Some good tunes (especially the new mix of Lust for Life and the Rubberbandits song), but a fucking mess of a plot and narrative, some very very lazy flashbacking, and a quite decent subplot that just... disappeared.

permalink Which one disappeared?
permalink The one where pxy stopped going to Wahaca on principle.
Then went again.

permalink An addiction to Tacos
is a terrible thing.

(Also, it’s Wahaca I betrayed my principles in, not Wagamama)
permalink Ooops!
Brain broken. I'll fix that!
permalink The brothel.
That arc ground clumsily to a halt.
permalink Ignoring the new job, which continues to be shit, not too bad.
Went and saw Three Billboards on Friday night with a mate, which was good, followed by a few drinks. Then on Saturday night I got absolutely smashed around Schöneberg and fell into bed at 5am.

Yesterday was spent mostly asleep.
permalink I thought Three Billboards was fantastic
permalink Pissed off.
I am road tripping this week (as fucking usual) and I was meant to be taking my daughter to school this morning, but at 11 last night someone put a 9am meeting in my calendar for today, so i couldn't do the school run (I get back at about 10 past).

Then he did not turn up - when I chased he overslept.

permalink I hope you gave him a bollocking
that is extremely fucking rude.

I certainly would NOT expect someone to see an invite at 11pm.
permalink He has not turned up for our next meeting at 0930 either (unrelated, we both happen to be on it).
I am really upset.
permalink Is he in your firm?
Seriously, absolute bollocking. Don't hold back.
permalink Yes,
but then he has offered to put me up for the next two nights and was apologetic.

He is good when I fuck him about too - I would bollock more with the kind of people who get shitty if I cannot do what they want, not with those who generally are very good, are tolerant of my foibles and who know when they have fucked up.
permalink Aaagh!
We should have been at the office half an hour ago.

What is it with people not getting out of fucking bed at the time they say they will?
permalink install a punch-in timeclock
dock wages appropriately.
permalink I was at his house, shouting 'Ready yet?' through his door
in anger.
permalink why on earth did you accept it and not postpone til 9:30?
you really do make a rod for your own back
permalink Because I have back to back calls right through until 1830hrs.
If I turned him down I would not be able to talk to him at all before the work needs to be done.

I was pissed off, but I do need to speak to him. Now I have not done the school run nor have I prepped with him.
permalink You seem to work with a right bunch of cunts
permalink that's what they think as well to be fair
permalink They are right though.
permalink Another day, another suspension from Twitter:-

permalink Put my car in for a service today, they sent me a video of them checking my cat over
Looks like I need 2 new tyres


permalink Unexpected
veterinary plot twist.
permalink I clicked
expecting the cat to have gone to the garage hidden in the footwell or something


impressively ropey tyres though
permalink haha!
thread I just had the best piss in the world.
Also a satisfying shit.
permalink nothing better than a really good shit
permalink I see your really good shit,
and raise you... actually, you may be right. A wank is just a wank, but a really good shit is a really good shit.
permalink Of course, a really good shit
May be topped off by a somebody on 4rthur once regaled us
permalink wanky shit demon, anyone?
permalink Cake?
permalink a stinkwank
I believe that's called.
permalink It was fasset
(as in, fasset would regularly tell us that he'd found one, he never admitted it being him)
permalink just reminded me of this
permalink Ha ha
permalink Ha!
permalink arf!

*office lols*
permalink I've just bought*
a Dacia Logan MCV Estate 0.9 TCE Laureate

*well, on finance, so technically I don't own it for five years
permalink 0.9?
permalink Al is so comfortable with his manliness
that anything bigger would be an affront
permalink Not as good as my epic piss
I had two pints in the pub and went for another one. Possibly even better.
permalink Hmm
so was it kidney stones?
permalink No, but let’s leave it there
As far as diagnoses go.

Pissing is fucking epic.
permalink Fairly muff
And yes, you can't beat the catharsis of a great piss
permalink Especially when it’s been a while.
Tonight is have enjoyed pissing, shitting, farting, burping, hiccups and a bath.

Bea is being very patient with me...
permalink Especially as you've been
pissing, shitting, farting, burping and hiccuping whilst in the bath!
permalink I managed to hold off the first two while bathing
... but god I’ve enjoyed myself.
permalink Number three probably required nerves of steel
never trust a fart!
permalink well
she did get all the proceeds from selling your kidney
permalink Oh the times
Scotty was relieved to have had a hearty shit after surgery and poking about. I remember that look well. It’s an achievement
permalink I once did an
8.2lb poo
permalink I too had a shite of epicness,
the sort that makes you feel half a stone lighter. That'll be the omelettes I've eaten this week then.
permalink I am drinking loads and loads of fluid
just so I can enjoy pissing more.
thread Noodles, Calvins,
permalink ham sandwiches, black lacy brazilians
permalink Tescpoo steak slice and
chicken salad on brown, Primarni keks.

No youtube link 'cos I'm at work.
thread Some cunt bashed into me st speed on Bishopsgate
Which my post-surgery body is not up to.

“Sorry... didn’t see you mate!”

I had just been to a meeting on site and had a FUCKING FULL HI-VIZ JACKET on...

Meanwhile... read this:

What a life.
permalink everyone knows hi viz is the greatest cloaking device known to man
cover a battleship in it, some cunt in a volvo will cut it up at the lights.
permalink What
He said
permalink Volvo?
Showing your age there, son.
permalink Pretty sure Volvo AB is still in the vehicle manufacturing business
And I am damn sure cunty drivers are still a thing
permalink yeah, you can definitely buy a Volvo
my gaffer got a big red 4x4 thing recently.
permalink Nah, Volvo is
Chinese now after selling to Ford in 1999 who then passed it on after fucking up. Most compact Volvos are basically Mundaneos.
permalink Yes, but they are no longer the go to bad drivers they once were.
We have passed through BMW and out the other side into Audis now.
permalink Since I've started driving to work again
I've noticed the worst driven vehicles on the A23 are (in reverse order)

3. Large Mercedes
2. Audis of all sizes
1. Toyota Aygos (and Citroën C1/ Peugeot 107/8 variants)

permalink In Cambridge it's
3. Audis
2. Panther Taxis.
1. Panther Taxis (hybrids)

at least, they're the most likely to kill me on my bike.
permalink On the M11 south of Cambridge it's
1. Audis (white)
permalink and "lorries, miscellaneous"
permalink On the A142 south of Ely
it's 'fucking everything from tractors to trucks'
permalink No, I've never been cut up
by a lorry cutting between all three lanes repeatedly at 80mph.
permalink lucky you
they spend all their time veering between lanes on the A14 / A11.
permalink I get you
it was just the first suggested car in my predictive text. and for a throwaway comment it didn't seem necessary to delve into the statistical veracity of it.
permalink You really thought you could get away with
an unresearched throwaway comment on here?
permalink pedantic bastards
let's all go back to talking about CI's knackers.
permalink Nothing wrong with my knackers
Another unresearched throwaway comment.
permalink It's like he WANTS to fail.
permalink I generally agree with this analysis
Although I also call out London cab drivers as arsehole drivers. Shockingly bad.
permalink full moon innit
permalink yes
not that this is relevant
permalink I believe it may be
For Quincy Jones is in fact a mythical beast, who only returns to our realm for a few days either side of the full moon
permalink Should have got a strobe fitted while you were in
Also in embattled nethers news, I just saw a cyclist on a fixie speeding through the traffic, in attack position, with his seatpost at full height - except there was no saddle on it. His balloon knot was half an inch and an unexpected pothole from oblivion.

Is this some new Red Bull daredevil sport?
permalink Christ, that’s just insane
permalink I am having the worst journey.
It is going to take me seven and a half hours to get home from Manchester.
permalink The less successful followup
to 24 hours from Tulsa
permalink I ended up giving up on trains after spending 75 minutes at both EXD and BHM
and got a taxi for the last leg.

Fucking train wankers.
permalink It just took me around 12 hours to get to Manchester
permalink Did you
permalink Oh, fucking fuck!
I was going MX racing this afternoon at 2. I just got told that, due to a medical emergency, it is off.

I am going to go and have a quick blat on the flat (I have not ridden a bike properly since 1999) but it is not the same.

I was really over excited about it, my heart racing and all jittery - now I just have the fact that my old leathers still fit me as a consolation.
permalink Still makes me laugh...
permalink That is me
WITHOUT an engine :)
permalink One can't have everything.
permalink I went out and had a play in a car park and down some lanes.
I was pretty good for someone who has not ridden this millenium, but I did not try to get the front up and when I tried to endo I pushed the front wheel out ahead of me, which means I was not committing.

Trying to get out next Thursday for some proper MX action.
permalink I'll alert A&E
permalink And YouTube
Natch .
permalink I don't even need to
watch that to know what it is :)
permalink Indeed