thread Yes?
permalink It is
the law
permalink it's not magenta
permalink I thought that was Judge Dredd
permalink Amateur
My 3d Printed cock and balls glows in the dark and fits up my nose.

permalink /context
. .
permalink Are CPC's the thing
when you get access to a 3D printer?
permalink CDC when you get a tablet
CPC when you get a printer

I must admit I'm not really looking forward to holographic tech
permalink The printing isn't crude,
it's the modelling. Thus CMC...
permalink It's not a very good CPC... no flying spunk droplets.
or pubes.
permalink IT GLOWS
permalink Someone posted this on the 'Spotted Walthamstow'
facebook group.

they weren't impressed but I thought it was quite decent.
permalink Is it spunking
permalink I think that's
an ice cream.
permalink Is that what Al tells you?
permalink no
/comedic confusion of Als
permalink Stuart Maconie
just used the phrase "the slow, inexorable approach of the sentinels of death" on the radio.
I think the fact that no-one on radio 1 would ever think to say this is a good metaphor for what's wrong with the youth of today.
Radio 1 is largely for teenagers, and if teenagers aren't considering the approach of the aforementioned sentinels, then teenage angst is all but dead.
permalink "sen-tee-wha?"
"fuck that. TLDL."

say the yoof.
permalink Very much this.
If One Direction had stopped for just a moment to consider mortality and the unyielding inevitable spiral of despair that is life, we'd all be the better for it.
permalink If the next Wand Erection single
is a cover of Ceremony by Joy Division I am blaming you
permalink I believe the teenage, Radio 1 equivalent
is YOLO.
permalink This litte arsehole got off the bus when I was about to get on last week.
About 18, at a guess. He had a fluorescent green string vest on, tight white shorts, purple socks, massive white trainers, a Glasgow Rangers baseball cap and "YOLO" tattooed down the front of one thigh in letters about 3" high.

permalink In my day, we didn't think "you only live once"
we thought "you only live once, best spend that time in a desperate, fruitless search for meaning"
permalink You only live once
try not to fuck it up by being a massive tool.
permalink shouldn't laugh
thread TOTN?
Pram - The Owl Service -
permalink ooh

thread Tune of the Day
is a new Charlotte Church one

No, really.
permalink No, no, no, no, no
TOTD is - Tom Verlaine by The Family Cat -
permalink I re-listened to the FC best of CD the other day
marvellous stuff. I think 'Place With a Name' is my favourite.
permalink you might want to re-think that laddie
this heat - H&E
permalink did you listen to it
permalink Does she start singing
like Danni Filth half way through?
permalink there's some wig-out bits
but no, that would be silly
permalink i did
and what? maybe it's a move in the right direction for her but it's very 1995
permalink That's good
but I'm going to stick with the Cabaret Voltaire - Nag Nag Nag wot I posted on FB, if that's OK*

*technically TOTY, but gis a chance. I've just had feck all sleep, due to Mrs C having a shitty cold

permalink We waited 26 hours for a new thread,
and then this?
permalink He has let us down
but worse he has let himself down
permalink YES
permalink Indeed
it's not even like there's a video to help distract...

whilst it may be a bit of a change for Ms Church (is she still Mrs "teak oiled tosser and occasional rugby player" Henson?) is prtty much low quality 90s DnB/trip hop, done a million times better by many many people
permalink the princess of wales broke up with that prick a while back
we're working out a way of deporting him permanently
permalink it would help if he didn't keep getting kicked out of
foreign rugby clubs for hitting his own players

I'm amazed he hasn't shown up in the Super 15 down here yet
permalink he was never as good at rugby as
people seemed to think anyway
permalink certainly
not as good as he thought he was, that's for sure
permalink it reminded me of something off
Prince's late-90s churn-them-out albums
permalink I was thinking more Stock/Aitken/Waterman
taking a very shallow stab at something between Ronnie Size and Lamb, and missing the point entirely
permalink I'm at a hospital. the chap I'm here to see forgot he had a meeting
so I've literally stepped outside for a while.
permalink Now he's gone off somewhere.
This is a little tedious.
permalink Have some spam I just got:
Tattooed and pierced outside unhappily. Spooning up the almost tasteless gruel that appeared to be Your choice, handsome. Give me two days and you can have whatevertouched a match to it, jumped back as it ignited. A tongue of blackthat was the end of their contribution, I asked the vital question
permalink sign me the fuck up
I want some of that outside pierced handsome gruel black tongue ignition action.

hang on... are you sure it's not a personals ad posted by riggers?
permalink Sounds like a promo
for this weekend's Manchester Pride
permalink it appears for the next 7 days my university
is hosting the teams for the world U21 netball championships
permalink Oh dear . . .
permalink I have struggled to find a response to this that doesn't sound pervy...
permalink did anyone else hear screeching tyres
coming from somewhere in the west of Ireland?
permalink the chuggy trundle of digger tracks, do you mean?
permalink with
your reputation?
permalink They're not actually all sleeping in his office.
I assume.

If I'm wrong,,, nice work, fella.
permalink hmmm. can't help being sceptical but I'll listen later
on my way to the airport. bye crazy Hong Kong. I'll be back in a few weeks.
permalink I don't want to start a pissing contest as I am probably a noob compared to most here
But I just logged into B3ta for the first time in ages and saw it's nearly 10 years since I signed up, where the fuck has that time gone...... oh, that's right, I pissed it away watching cat videos and porn on the Internet.

Profile for monkeypaws:
a member for 9 years, 11 months and 10 days
permalink terrifying innit
they're over 94000 users now. Don't know who our oldest is. Hal was very early, witchy?

[edit] I've checked now, 11 years, 5 months. blimey.
permalink Jebus
even I have been "a member for 9 years, 9 months and 17 days"

that is terrifying!
permalink fucking noobs

permalink argh fuck
10 days off a decade

and I too am far from an early adopter
permalink 10 years, 9 months and 0 days
permalink 11 years, 2 months and 25 days
permalink 11 years
1 month
5 days . . . .

permalink 7 years for Pedantichrist
Lord Manley of Ven started in mid 2004.
permalink and we all know
what happened to him, eh?
permalink 9 years, 2 months and 24 days
Pathetic, isn't it?
permalink 11 years, 5 months, 1 day
days behind new_matt, it appears.
permalink Stalker?
permalink 11 years 5 months and 0 days.
Was there some big recruitment drive then?
permalink everyone heard I'd joined
and wanted in on the actio.
permalink a member for 11 years, 8 months and 4 days
permalink Winner, winner, chicken dinner!
I thought it'd be you, you old lag...
permalink *accepts award*
permalink I'm right behind him...
11 years, 8 months and 1 day
permalink *awards silver*

permalink *accepts happily*
Back from the East. No arse-related travel hell. Phew.
permalink Cowjam
You've logged in as Al
permalink Ha!¬
thread HONK!
permalink :)
In the Langham, Kowloon.

Having a couple of drinks then I'll go for a wander.

Tomorrow,the morning with some architects for work, then the afternoon touristing/researching...
permalink *honks anyway*
permalink that'll be
350 fat ones then. Send cheques or money orders to 'witchy, flatlands'. Ta.
permalink *looks around*
not sure I have more than a couple of fat ones handy!
permalink Don't worry
He's not really the Honk Police. He'll get in trouble for impersonating them.
permalink Honk! Honk!
that's the sound of da police!
permalink I went for a swim and am now working.
I like living by the sea, but I am having another crisis, so you can all look forward to watching me break down again.

This time it is all about how I had a privileged upbringing, living in a castle and having the family home to go back to, but that I have not provided similar for my children and, being the son of a younger son of a daughter, they will never have what I had.

It looks like it could be an interesting one.
permalink *adopts edge of seat position*
permalink Shall I bring you back a waving cat thing?
How big was your castle, btw?
permalink Can you get a waving cat thing
giving the bird?
(not specifically for Manley, I just always fancied one)
permalink If i see such a thing, i'll get you one.
I suspect that might be offensive to Chinese culture in some way though.
permalink It's probably offensive in other cultures too.
I have spent the afternoon striding across a stud farm we are considering paving over.
We got a bit harassed by a group of twenty odd horses, one of whom attempted to kick one of our strategic land managers, who probably deserved it, seeing as he's a strategic land manager.
permalink Does he manage land strategically
or does he just manage strategic land?
permalink I'm not convinced he does either,
permalink is it true that even if you buy land freehold in england
if the crown want it back they can?
kind of similar to that church and mineral rights thing http://www.telegraph.c...
permalink hard to say, but according to this
"A freehold title is the nearest approach to absolute ownership of land in England & Wales – the Queen being the only person to own land absolutely."


so possibly. it looks like freehold is only the right to occupy the land.

QI says similar,

if that's true, she can come round this weekend and help me put up my new shed.
permalink You seem to be making a bit of a meal out of your gardening
Why don't you come over here and give me a hand ;o)
permalink I'm no gardener
I know roughly what I need to do, I just never seem to have the time to do it. I'm on the final stretch now, once the fence is painted and shed is up, that's it, I'm never lifting a trowel in anger again.
permalink not sure about the shed but she could definetly furnish you
with tonnes of manure
permalink All land in England and Wales is essentially the property of the crown,
so what you say is correct so far as it goes. However, these days there are legal mechanisms to protect freeholders from the Crown exercising that right in any unreasonable way.

Look, for example at HS2, the government wants to build it, and it is going to do so irrespective of the freeholders of the land along the route. However, those freeholders will receive good (or fair) financial payments from the government in exchange for the freehold, by means of a compulsory purchase order.
permalink i can only imagine what 'fair' means
but yeah it's interesting especially if the colonies are involved too

but seemingly from what matt found if a sale has gone through after 2002 due to registry queenie can't get her mitts on it..
permalink Insofar as the Church is concerned,
it's very commonplace for freehold land to have conditions on it which benefit previous owners of the land.

For example, most property developers put a restrictive covenant on the deeds of property they sell, so that subsequent owners need their permission (for a fee) to make changes to the property.
Similarly, if you buy a piece of farm land, it is possible for the vendor to withhold mineral rights (meaning if you find coal on the land, they benefit not you), or to stipulate an "overage" meaning that if you gain planning permission for something which raises the value of the land, they are entitled to a percentage of the uplift in land value.

Thus you can see that freehold is seldom a straightforward free and clear ownership of the land.
permalink i wonder if it works the other way.. say you find your house on a sinkhole
or dangerous amounts of radon are seeping in.. do the church/previous landowner have to chip in to sort it if they're claiming somekind of arcane 'underground' rights
i doubt it
permalink the coal board does, and does so willingly.
A relative's house had a bit of subsidence. It wasn't related to previous mining but was in a mining area so the coal board paid for repairs.
permalink Yes, willingly is a bit of a strecth in some cases.
There a house in Rotherham called Wentworth Woodhouse, the owners of which are seeking £100m from the Coal Board, who are understandable doing everything they can to get out of it.
permalink It was not mine, but it was this big
permalink Ok... So you went to school in it.
I don't think they'll miss that.
permalink It was aesome as a child
secret tunnels, hollow oaks and sleeping in a castle every night.

I feel like a father has two jobs to do, to be outlived by his offspring and to make their lives better than his was.
permalink now define better
permalink Less mundane.

permalink I think that's broadly guaranteed
by the steady onward technological growth of mankind
permalink they live at the sea side
and have at least one maniac parent.
permalink Do you think they work?
Are they battery operated or just balanced?
permalink battery, but it lasts ages
permalink Shame, I like the idea of a cleverly balanced device,
but a magnet moving a cat's paw seems surprisingly shit for an international symbol of good luck.
permalink The one rigby got me was battery.
I presume they pre-date batteries though.
permalink I got one for ickleuminator
tjhat has a wee solar panel.
permalink That is rather fun.
permalink Have you considered whether your children want such a thing?
Maybe they think people who grow up in castles are nobbers.
permalink All children think their fathers are nobbers,
there's no avoiding that.
permalink my dad's alright
but it took me a long time to realise. that said, if he doesn't help me put up the shed this weekend, he's going in the cheapest home I can find.
permalink my dad's awesome
but I'll never forgive him for not raising me in a castle
permalink My father is awesome.
I really wish I could be as good a dad as he is.
permalink it may be that your children grow up in a new era of republicanism
and that you've saved them from the scaffold
permalink Death before
permalink chance'd be a fine thing
permalink at the end of the day, are your kids happy, looked after and loved?
that's all that matters. what your parents did is immaterial.

[edit] I've always fancied living by the seaside, I have a romantic vision of popping down the quay to pick up a lobster and a handful of cockles, freshly caught by a salty seadog in his old sloop. Also, I like Whitby.
permalink what his parents did is not immaterial.
They bred someone who is in crisis because he doesn't live in a castle.
permalink yes, fair enough, I see what you mean
but where your dad lives shouldn't affect whether you love your kids.
permalink It is not because I do not
it is because I am not able to give it to them.

I'd happily live in a ditch, but whilst the kids play at Latchel, they will never get to take their children there.
permalink How does any father know?
permalink the government really should stop letting people
who don't live in a castle from having children. Pour little blighters.
permalink Liquidise the children!
permalink go do some charity work with your kids
that will learn them about privilege and fix you wronghead
permalink our kids will never had what we had
Mine will never have their own servants, swimming pools, tennis courts blah blah. They will have what they know and their childhood will be no worse off for it because they know no different. Instead they will have xboxes instead of spectrums, justin bieber/whoever instead of george michael, rain instead of sunshine and the ability to do their own washig & sewing etc
permalink I was considering getting servants, to be honest.
The mess that is my home makes me miserable and asking my wife to do any cleaning whatsoever makes her angry, so maybe a housekeeper is a good idea?

Now I just need to find about £30m somewhere and I'll be sorted.
permalink We've got a cleaner
once a week, 3 hours, bloody brilliant, and if you think Al can't generate mess and muck comparable to three children then I can tell you you're dead wrong ;)
permalink He puts a lot of effort into maintaining that level of mess, muck, grime and assorted bodily fluids.
A man has to have a hobby.
permalink I don't think he does,
I think he's just naturally talented.
permalink Indeed
permalink Ewwww....
Looks hot out there in HK... At least there's a breeze...
permalink It is not the children
it is Jim, she is a fucking mess. She blames the kids, but it is her, it is insane.

Of course, I love her, so . . .
permalink so get a cleaner to come in twice a week*
and if jim is like any other woman i know she'll do a quick cleanup before the cleaner gets there

*you can afford it
permalink Castles will be about £50 each before too long.
permalink you keep saying this
I'm seeing no sign of it happening. I'd love a good hard property market crash.
permalink being a homeowner is a terrible thing.
All this security of having a home I don't have to pay anyone to live in is horrid, and not paying £400 a month on rent or mortgage regularly makes me weep.
permalink However, in part that situation stems from the fact that
you live in one of the cheapest parts of England.

We have a site in Euxton, not far from you, and my parents (who are house hunting) and I recently spent 20 minutes rofling about how cheap the houses were.
permalink For what my place is worth
I could live in a mansion in Wigan if Rightmove is to be believed
permalink Indeed.
Euxton has higher values than Wigan, and we're selling high spec 5-bed 1800 sqft houses for £350k.
The same thing would be well over a £1m in Harpenden.
permalink estate agents
have been blaming the WRS Effect
permalink if you don't mind doing a bit of modernising
You can get a reasonably sized house for under 100k
permalink Come on now,
it's over ambitious to attempt to modernise Wigan.
permalink Run an extension lead
from Manchester?
permalink This reminds me of the line in one of the Beiderbecke trilogy episodes
where someone suggests that "for that money, you could put roof over all o't'Bradford"
permalink that would make the approach to LBA
that much nicer.
permalink The approach to LBA is OK
if you're about to catch a plane, as you know you're leaving.
If you're dropping someone off, or you've just arrived or returned, it's nightmarish.
permalink I meant the approach from the air.
On the ground it gets nicer the nearer you get.
permalink at least I don't have to duck on my own staircase
permalink No, but I can stand up in my bedroom.
Anyway, the ducking is characterful.
thread Right. Wednesday morning here.
Nice big breakfast in a few minutes, then a day's intense design workshop with three separate firms of architects, then off to Hong Kong. Tomorrow is mostly a research day though. :)

How goes it in blighty?
permalink No idea, mate!
It is quite a nice day in Wellington though...and still (just) Weds morning too...
permalink Getting hot and humid already outside...
And hazy as fuck. I hope it's a bit clearer in Hong Kong tomorrow.
permalink 18 degress
overcast and a bit breezy in the land of the spud.
More "gardening" today, which reminds me, I must get another 25ltrs of diesel for the digger and see if matey down the road has a dumper free for this afternoon.

I've so far cleared about 10ft x 60ft strip up the side, exposing a dry stone wall, hopefully I'll get the channel dug to run a permanent water and power feed up to the garage, no more hose pipes and extension leads to drag through dog and chicken shit.
permalink You need a dumper for the whole afternoon?
Are you planning a really big poo, so noxious you feel the need to handle it off site?
permalink Not quite
I've found a large area of soil, very rare for my place, so need to dig as much out as possible and hoof it around to the other side of the house to make a 1/4 acre to the other side a bit more usable, there's only so much you can do with lots of stone, boulders and weeds.
permalink Sounds like fun, playing with heavy plant.
I have lots of good topsoil, you're welcome to come by and take a boot load if you want...
permalink The fucker is
We'd assumed all the ground out the back was rock and stone so bought two 20 ton lorry loads of top soil a couple of years back to do the front lawn.
permalink morning.
It's nice weather in Southend. I'm spending the day on basildon.
permalink sunny
but air quality is shite thanks to the amount of dust combine harvesters chuck up
permalink I've been getting through Piriton like Smarties this past week
I cycled through three big dust clouds at the weekend, still pulling ears from my ears.
permalink There is no point washing the car
around my way this time of the year as it is covered in dust almost immediately . . .
permalink Blighty OK.
One of my colleagues thinks I am a minor god for having unbricked her mother's smartphone quite easily last night.
Moral of story: don't pull the battery from your phone to go through airport security while it's doing an OS update.
I reckon I'm looking good to score a nice bottle of Tanqueray from the experience though.
permalink it's nice and sunny here
too nice and sunny to be sitting inside writing presentations.
permalink back at work
after a days ale-ing in Peterborough at the ale festival in beautiful weather. Currently well sunny and calm, dogger, good.
permalink Who are you calling dogger?
/lurks in car park
permalink *flashes indicators*
permalink *flashes schoolgirls*
permalink what was your favourite ale?
permalink Gin.
permalink too many to choose from,
I don't think I had a bad one... we also discovered Krombacher Dunkel which is pleasingly nice. And pitch black.
permalink oh!
i'll have to search it out
permalink if you can find
an Oakham Brewery-supplied pub they may have it. Krombacher is the standard bier they've replaced Veltins Pilsner with.
permalink i looked it up
i've had it.. was slightly disappointed that something soo dark didn't really have that much body
maybe it's different from a cask
permalink it was the caramel taste
that surprised me, or maybe it was molasses.
permalink Won't anybody
think of the moles?
permalink Molasses
is like sweet Marmite . . . . . Mmmmmm