thread I take it we've all seen this?

NSFW language possibly
permalink Ha!
Mumsnet is blocked at work because it registers as "health"

Apparently "health" is not something the company are prepared to sanction.
permalink Basically someone posts this;
"We have a dedicated post-sex cleanup area on the bedside table. A box of tissues, a small bin, and a beaker of clean water for temporary cleaning/dunking while the bathroom is occupied by me.

Apparently our penis beaker is strange and not the done thing. "

incredulous and funny comments ensue
permalink I've loaded it up on the tablet.
It is indeed very funny.
permalink Will this evening be
an evening I should prepare the penis beaker? *flutters eyes*
permalink I prefer a vase.
for the lengthier gentleman.
permalink Wife
fetch the penis bucket!
permalink i use a yard glass
i thought everybody did
permalink I trust everyone's read enough of the thread to reach this link:
permalink oh god.
I haven't been clicking the links...
permalink this one is good
re-ulitise the kids toys. Chuggington chugwash
permalink I for one...
would not put my cock in that.
permalink In the office we have now decided that
"chugwash" is a very appropriate word for cleaning one's soiled member.

"Hang on love, I'm just off for a quick chugwash"
permalink i ideedy doo
like this.
permalink pfft
permalink I hope this does not generally arise in the office.
permalink Pun intended?
My colleague got home last night to find his gf had written a new message on their kitchen blackboard:
"I'm feeling fruity darling, fill the penis beaker"
Luckily he'd had a chugwash before leaving the office...
permalink Haha
brilliant :D
permalink something along the lines of
it wont fit cos its too small/big
permalink substantial
and weighty.
permalink you just keep telling yourself that
permalink someone has to...
permalink and that's
just me!
permalink I'm pretty certain that you're not my cock
*checks in pants*

Nope. Definitely not.
permalink No beard?
No long hair?
No black metal t-shirt?
permalink no big boots either
not clutching an ale.
permalink tsk.
Black metal? This last week I've been all Cardiacs/Biscuit/The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing.
permalink sorry, syntax error.
I meant a shirt that is black in colour, featuring imagery and/or typography relating to a band belonging to the approximate genre "metal"
permalink still wrrrrrrrong :)
None of the above bands could be described as 'metal'

Having said that TMTWNBBFN have a new tune that could be described as thrash, the rest of it is deffo punk and hilarious. Go see them when you can!
permalink As it says at the top of that page
"It doesn't get bigger than this"
Which must be a disappointment.
permalink I was scared to click on any of the links
from a work machine.
This is very interesting. cant beat a good scrubbed up golf ball.
permalink surely that means the germans
and their litre instead of pint should be more endowed.
permalink pretty sure tino
would say that was a girth thing
permalink i use half an egg
permalink clitorisisis don't count
get back in your box
permalink or your beaker.
permalink arf!
"We have a pens beaker we keep our writing implements in. Surely that's what the OP meant?"
permalink Your pen may be beak...
...but my penis beaker.
permalink the penis
mightier than the pork sword.
permalink That's very funny
permalink I am in pain with laughter.
permalink I don't see
anything out of the ordinary?
permalink Well,
the OP in that thread does share her name with your missus, unless I'm much mistaken...
permalink I told her
to mask her identity!
permalink well
well I never. Mumsnet is all filth.
permalink if it's filthy... need to dunk it in a beaker
permalink make sure it's
green and from poundland.
permalink Ikea, obviously
I'm literally crying here, get halfway through the talk of popping candy then someone just posts 'jesus christ' and that set me off again XD
permalink I never knew mumsnet had any entertainment value.
Trying not to snigger too ovbiously here.
permalink 'it's only fanny juice,
not battery acid'
permalink cillit bang.
permalink clit bang
permalink "Will explode your clitoris right off, and not in a good way."
permalink I'M BARRY SCUNT
permalink Newly appeared:
"We just flop back and let the dogs clean up, it's even easier now we have two."
permalink that has to be a flange entry
permalink I shouldn't have read that
whilst supping ale. Fizzy nose is never good, but at least I didn't spoil my keyboard. Again.
permalink HP monitor update:
Monitors did not arrive yesterday. The "first batch" are now due to arrive tomorrow, and they are apparently 27" rather than 30"

At this rate they'll be 14" CRT's and they'll arrive next month.
permalink are they touch-screen?
permalink I don't think so, although it would make some sense for those of us who so photoshop type stuff.
My current guess is these:
But it could be the lower res equivalent, which is a pointless upgrade, as it's the same res as the 22"er I've got now.
permalink Are they like Fox have?
permalink I saw those.
They've gone even more mental than I thought possible.
permalink 27" will look a lot better than 30"
at that resolution though?
permalink This is true,
although the 30" version is 2560x1600 and has a better aspect ratio than the 27" which is 2560x1440.

The real rub is we were promised 32"ers last week...
permalink 4k monitors will be hitting consumer prices soon
which will make everything else look totally penis beaker
permalink completely cockjar
permalink put the glass cock in the cock jar
and we have gone full circle.
permalink That's true,
but I don't make these decisions, and I'm quite happy to receive an extra 5" of monitor, particularly if it includes an additional 1612800 pixels.
permalink ' I'm quite happy to receive an extra 5" '
Pffffffffffffffffft! Fnaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!
permalink Yep.
I'm going to need a bigger beaker.
permalink I use a pint glass.
permalink only any use to me when flacid.
permalink sex in the sea is a
bit of a quandary
permalink could you be
more pacific?
permalink *waves*
permalink This thread is just swell
permalink this reminds me I've
not seen any barnacle fighting for a while.
permalink Not on this channel
permalink Meanwhile...
Shits. http://news.efinancial...

Gun, anyone?
permalink It is quite hard to feel sorry for them,
isn't it?
permalink Nice of the government to help them out though
Bunch of fucking cockbeakers.
permalink imagine earning less than £500k! paupers!
I need to talk to a mortgage person, I wonder what I could get if we sold this place and spunked it all on a 5%er.
permalink And the horror of having to move beyond zone 1!
The humanity!
permalink That article is just pure bollocks / linkbait
permalink From now on I am going to use this as an insult
I.E. Lord Manley is a penis beaker
permalink Beaker from the muppets
doesn't have a penis
permalink you try telling that to the guy with
his hand up his arse
permalink Are you saying that you
want to dip your cock in me?
permalink so many questions
thread TOTN
King Crimson - Book Of Saturday -
permalink PROG ALARM!
permalink well thought out
permalink mmm, smoggy
permalink that fucked my little notepad up, firefox is still shit
still, serves me right for looking at the Mail
permalink I just see
kittens & tea
permalink is there a
bzzzt! Woof! filter for the Fail?
permalink i think tea and kittens is a greasemonkey thing
my work laptop doesn't do it but my home one does
permalink not clicking because i'm not adding an extra hit to that scum
(and it's probably false whatever shit it is)
permalink non mail link

though i had to go onto the site to copy the headline, I told them that click was from you
permalink you rotter :)
permalink apparently 3 double espressos and an asprin doesn't sort out
a hangover anymore.. welcome to old age :(
permalink sprite apaz
is your friend.

i prefer a handful of pills, some diet pepsi and a nice slow on the bottom shag
permalink Banana says Chinese Sprite isn't the same as ours
I'm sure she'd send some over if we asked
permalink I note that MaccyD's
have stopped doing Sprite, and now only do Diet Sprite, which is fifty shades of wrong.
permalink They have slowly become the same thing
They've taken out loads of sugar and put a load of sacharin in and now they've replaced a further 30% with some weird stuff that tastes of aftershave. Sacharin makes me need a poo
permalink I was thinking about this on the way to work while drinking a "new more refreshing sprite"
It tasted like piss and aftershave. I'll never understand why it's more popular than 7-up
permalink oh that's real
i thought i dreamt that..
permalink My policy these days is to have a massive meat-based breakfast,
then go back to bed.
Unless there's formula 1 on, in which case I sleep through that instead.
permalink ^this^
Lots of bacon, some hash browns, tea & Lucozade

The best hangover drink I ever found was Indigo but they stopped making that years ago.
permalink I'm a bit wary of the caffeine
as it can impede the post breakfast snoozing.
permalink v works
difficult to locate though sometimes http://en.wikipedia.or... failing that beer is quite good
permalink a guiness sorted it
which also helped me realise where i'd seen that woman from Black Orphan before.. she was the kid in Ginger snaps Two
kind of scary
permalink I am very glad that you worked out that a woman from a TV show I've never seen
is also in a film I've never seen
permalink Here!
You're regularly in Basingstoke aren't you?
I might be off on a site visit there sooner or later, if so, quick beer?
permalink I can't remember if we've met before
I always ended up getting smashed and not knowing real names from board names and getting completely confused
permalink There is also the caveat that I don't get back from London till about 7:20 usually
permalink Aha! I'm off to a meeting to find out if I can score a site visit/jolly shortly.
However, it'll probably a daytime thing in any event.

I think we met at BRS's (as he was then) birthday bash in a pub round the back of Leicester Square, but I was mostly talking to vbloke and -T.
permalink You need
a bacon & fried egg sandwich
permalink this certainly cleared out the cobwebs
sound not necessary..
permalink now there's
an idea.
permalink this is what you need
permalink hopefully that helps
with the shakes..
permalink it fixes EVERYTHING*

* Your milage may vary
permalink Other Sunday Sport news
explosive allegations against Ralph Milliband
permalink It's a shame
everyone's talking cock. Because this really needs to be read to be disbelieved
permalink oh god.
What a terrible load of wank.

I remain amazed that the Sunday Sport still exists...
permalink highlights
1. the invention of a new language, "Belgian"
2. the despcription of what her mother did in the war
3. the fact that she has no way whatsoever of identifying who the drunken cycling foreigner was.
4. Eunice
5. political analyst Perry Arnett. I'm guessing he might be this guy
permalink My fave bit is...
"during the war people were banned from knowing where they were, for security reasons"

thread picadilly line to Heathrow.
god this train is full of munters.

I don't claim to be an adonis but this seems to be the freaktrain.
permalink All the beautiful people
take the Express
permalink All the beautiful people
are on the Victoria line . . .

If you think the Piccadilly is bad you should have a look at the Northern in the morning!
permalink I can confirm this
about the victoria as me and mrs W were on it on friday night ;)
permalink Well... The wealthy
And more relevantly, those who didn't have to go to a meeting in Hammersmith.
permalink Meanwhile in NEWS...
permalink sunday sport apparently.
Who knew that still existed?
permalink that photo's been knocking around awhile
so I think the article is gake
permalink It may well be.
Made me laugh though.
permalink and Tony Livesey
(editor) seems to be a funny bloke.
permalink the lawnmower jammed today while trying to start it
I didn't realise it was possible to simultaneously strain every muscle between elbow and fingertip

just in time for my first woodwork class, too
permalink I am bored senseless at heathrow
And exhausted after last night's 2am finish shenanigans. Just want to get on plane and sleep.
permalink we've had a bad day.
Adoption panel opted for a deferral. There was something odd in a medical record which our social worker didn't have an answer for, what with it being an error. We need to get that sorted then go back to panel, but eighty now our social worker doesn't know whether we've intentionally misled her, which is a big problem if we can't resolve it.
permalink It's ridiculous isn't it
abuse, beat and kill a child and you're out of jail in under four years, want to raise one properly and you have to have a signed letter of consent from the pope
permalink it's probably no use to you now
but we know people who adopted, they were being twatted about by Cambridge council so went to talk to Peterborough. As soon as they did, Cambridge were all over them and they only hat to wait 12 months...

Good luck. Get it sorted.
permalink Bad news.
However, I'm certain you'll get it sorted, given time. MrsJ must know her way around this sort of thing fairly well, no?

How goes it with the (now discretely) masturbating 14 year old?
permalink lets hope the adoption agency don't see this site
permalink That's a fair point
permalink hahahahaha
permalink Frustrating, but he's now gone to stay with my step mother
who used to work at a naughty boys school so will take no shit.
permalink I like your style:
Struggling with a problem? Ask your parents for help. ;-)

Seriously though, it would be great to be able to make good progress with kids like that, but there's no rule book, and what brings good results with one kid might be completely useless with another.
I would have no idea where to start.
permalink We're not taking him to the US with us, he can't stay here with our house sitter
and we don't want him staying at his mothers.

He has made progress, but is still way off finished.
permalink sounds good then.
What's your US itinerary like? Going anywhere nice?
permalink Florida for a week.
A bit of sport, otherwise the usual Orlando based fun.
permalink eighty now? (my brain don't work)
hopefully its nothing to do with you being Xian.. that new pope sounds like a dude
thread Morning
this pleases me

Especially as the sort of stuff they say about monarchy is what they were saying about god only a couple of years ago.

There's hope that it could become an organisation where I could volunteer without having to lie when taking the promise.
permalink Scouts?
Being outside, doing stuff? Brrrr, one shudders at the thought. But yay for letting people decide the region thing for themselves I guess.
permalink I was in scouts when I was a kid
other than the religion and royalty bits, I still see it as being a fantastic organisation. I really didn't think they'd make this move whilst they had an evangelical christian (Bear Grylls) as Chief Scout, though that's a ceremonial role not an executive one.
permalink I was in the boys brigade
for one night. Even at that age I thought religion was utter arse so when they lined us up and we had to swear allegiance to $SKYPIXIE I left.
permalink I went to cubs for a few months
I don't remember it involving anything other than football in the park.

Celtic v Rangers, naturally.
permalink I reckon the Queen wouldn't mind if you lied
she's got bigger things on her plate.
permalink Everyone lies while taking the promise, don't worry.
I spent a very enjoyable few years as a Scout leader, it's great fun and I recommend you do it immediately.
If you are wary of committing to one night per week (which is why I had to stop), look into Explorers, who meet less regularly and are less worried about ratios of leaders to kids.
permalink surely 12 leaders per child
is too many..?
permalink Ha!
What's slightly disturbing is that I left the group about 4 years ago, when the older girls where leaving Scouts for Explorers.
A number of them added me on Facebook, and while many have dropped me over the years, I still have a couple of them on there.
As a result, my facebook wall is currently full of pictures of scantily clad 18 year olds (thanks to tagging, most of whom are completely unknown to me) getting up to no good at fresher's weeks all over the country.
Middle-aged leering a-go-go!
permalink if it wasn't for the fact that I see no need to have it in my wallet
I'd be a card-carrying member of Republic.

But yes, I should probably just get over myself. There is of course the fear that the group here won't be as "good" as the one I was in as a kid. They do after all not have a large range of hills the other side of the wall of the back garden of the scout hut.
permalink I mean
look around from here

Few better locations for a scout hut exist.
permalink Dib,Dib
and indeed dib

(I was in the Boys Brigade)
permalink FACT:
It's actually DYB, as in 'do your best'
permalink isn't that one of those things
that everyone thinks is true, but isn't?
permalink Nope.
DYB, DYB, DYB, and then 'We'll DOB, DOB, DOB" in response.
permalink this.
'do our best'
permalink HEAD DOB
With one's head-dobber.
permalink *dobs*
permalink Someone should market a head-dobber accessory for ipad.

I reckon you could get twats to buy one.
permalink iTwats.
permalink Strangely enough, growing up in Ireland
I was somewhat reticent to get involved with god-bothering paramilitary organisations...
permalink hah!
and i was kicked out of mine on the first day.. my brother later joined the blackshirts like tabz.. fortunately he drove their van into a tree and was expelled
thread OK, which one of you bastards
poked a red-hot needle into my right knee yesterday morning? Even sitting on the bog is an exercise in gritting teeth for all the wrong reasons.

Saw The Men That Will Not Be Blamed For Nothing on fri in that london, supported by Ed Tudor-Pole. Epicness on an epic scale with added EPIC. And yes, he did 'swords of a thousand men' :D
permalink check your knee for
mislaid swords
permalink *hides voodoo doll*
what was that? oh nothing! *pulls out pin*
permalink *hobbles*
permalink Threadjack:
I'm not a Whovian myself, but I imagine this is pretty big for some of you guys:
106 lost Doctor Who episodes uncovered in Ethiopia
permalink it's interesting
and jolly good timing
permalink Was it found by a prince
and the BBC just has to send their bank details over?
permalink It's also bollocks
There are 106 missing episodes in TOTAL. And at least some of them were never sold abroad. I've heard differing reports from various people. The one I'm most convinced by is NINE episodes have been returned with possibly a handful more to come.
permalink it's as well you're here
it sounded like too many, but it's not like the BBC to exaggerate...
permalink The BBC haven't actually commented yet
They haven't denied or confirmed. Which is good, as normally they just flat out deny. I've also heard numbers from 9 to 90. I'd be utterly delighted if it's the latter, especially as I recently started watching it from the very start and the thought of watching more recons fills me with dread.
permalink my best friend got married this weekend
and i got to walk down the aisle just before she did cos i was a bridesman and i was walking her bridesdogs and i nearly cried it was so awesome i think it might be the best thing that ever happened plus she said i'm totes godfather when she has kids i'm so happy i could hug a toad right now
permalink How did
the brownies go?
permalink i got a round of applause for them!
everything came up goblin this weekend
as it were
permalink Three cheers!
Did you mean to say everyone?
permalink I presumed so
it's the sort of spelling error I'd make, so I can sympathise
permalink oh right you had to turn it to this didnt you
permalink I used to enjoy gigging
but then I took a Tudor-Pole to the knee
permalink yeah :)
I'm currently sat at home with my leg up on an old Dell. Any other position apart from standing or lying down is ow city.
permalink Apparently our HP Managed contract is due to issue forth new monitors today.
I am eagerly awaiting a 30" jobbie, but I expect I'll end up with a 17" CRT out of the skip.
In any event, we have to wait until tomorrow for IT to "install" them.
permalink *giggles*
"30" jobbie"
permalink the current
range of 22 - 24 inchers are really nice. We're shifting them by the palletload.

/HP Partner
permalink How much?
We probably need a monitor at home.
permalink cor, don't ask me, I'm
a field service engineer. Current decent monitor prices are round the £90 mark though. I bought a HANNS-G 22 incher for 80 quid not so long back.
permalink The ones I was looking at
seemed to be more, I'll look again.
permalink £85 :)

not HP, but Asus are a decent brand