thread this post
contains no lies
permalink neither does this one
(a) because it is 20:51 already
(b) because April's fool are almost all* a complete load of bollocks

*spaghetti trees aside, possibly
permalink I'm almost ashamed to say
I quite like this from Metro

The Buzzfeed one especially
permalink the new BMW P.R.A.M
in the torygraph today was inspired.
permalink i see manley is moonlighting as an actor now
quite convincing as a village idiot In the Flesh
permalink anyone got any ideas for April fools pranks I can play on Mr & Mrs Jam?
I was thinking of cooking them breakfast and giving them a knackered old cooker, but it seems like the scheme needs more finesse and focus somehow.
permalink I'm glad nobody replied.
permalink They all PM'd me.
You've not found the turd in the oven then?
permalink Ah, I presumed it was parkin
that'd overspilled the tin. Cos that looks so like shit that you can really freak people out when you eat it.
permalink so, um
the new Dr Who assistant. I've somehow discovered a picture of her. One for the saddo middle aged leering brigade and no mistake.
permalink wasn't she on Emmerdale
or something? So, saucy shots in Loaded?
permalink I'm undecided.
She's new. Don't like change.
permalink I was like that
with Matt Smith.

(I still am)
permalink I was at first because he didn't look like Dr Who
But I soon grew to love Matt Smith
permalink I think she is
going to be alright . . .
permalink Link me up
permalink if you
permalink is it just me
or does she have very very thin arms?
permalink And a big ole boobymole
to boot
permalink perspective
is a cruel and unpredictable mistress
permalink She does
I don't think it is just perspective.
permalink she also reminds me of a doctor's assistant
from many years ago...possibly Davidson/Baker era
permalink Nicola Bryant?
permalink bollocks to middle-aged
leering, she's older than me! *rubs thighs*

Peri was always my favourite assistant, even if she WAS from that Canadia.
permalink nothing wrong with Canadian girls
I mean, look at Justin Bieber

permalink possibly, although I think there was another one
and crikey, Peri got her boobs* out more that I remember

*even her side-boobs
/Peter Griffin
permalink you'll be thinking of
Sophie Aldred (Ace)
permalink She used to like
flashing her gusset I seem to remember
permalink She was on Pointless celebrities the other day.
Most disappointing.
permalink yes
yes I was...
permalink blimey a kids program
that has a bit of eye candy for the dads.. when did that start happening
permalink I'm just going to bang this here

so I remember in the morning. ps, the spin website is bloated and shit.
permalink cor
that looks quite tasty
permalink yeah, looks interesting
need to work out when it's released/how much it costs.
permalink Mid-June
*chomps on knuckles*

edit: clearly you heathens have never seen War of the Worlds.
permalink hello?
permalink MATRON!
permalink I have, (rev. Collins)
But uncle Matt is from Fraggle Rock.
permalink Attention there
permalink went cycling
still chilly:
permalink I hate to tell you but
permalink snow makes for a handy stand
whilst you take a piss in a hedge
permalink albeit
your love hammer will get cold...
permalink aye
permalink cor!
you must get some wolf whistles riding that baby around
(and not for the size of your arse crack)
permalink crikey
this is pretty amazing.. octopus fits through tiny hole
permalink who is Tom Cu*t**?
..... he seems to know some of you bastards

(I've edited your name to protect the innocent)
permalink Me
permalink ahh
well i hope you don't expect much form my twittering.
thread this is very cute.. or downright sinister
i'm not sure
thread So, I have adopted a seated position in the Lock Inn at Fort Augustus.
I'm quietly trying to identify mosschops' mate by appearance.
So far, we've driven about nine hundred miles in two days. Top craic.
permalink SITTING
/pet hate
permalink I love this board
Thirty minutes and all you get is a single pedantic grammar criticism
permalink "All one gets"
permalink Why are you talking like the Queen, Tino?
Well, I've learned English on a message board full of grammar pedants.
permalink This is, whilst correct,
intended as parody.
permalink Actually, I'd say seated is probably acceptable in Scotland.
Your post didn't need posted.
permalink I might have done a
Stealthy edit after manley's comment.
permalink sat
is fine, it's regionally idiomatic, as is 'all you get', just depends where you're from.
permalink All you get?
Sat is the past tense of the action of moving from a reclined or standing position into a seated position. The past tense of being in a seated position is sitting.

They are different words and, just because they are homonyms does not mean we can just interchange them.
permalink yep.
"you" is a normal alternative for "one" or "I" in many places. Most of the old Ridings of Yorkshire for instance.
permalink Or, in fact,
permalink apart from his mind
it would seem
permalink No, your mind
I am quite happy with 'all you get'. Sat, however, is wrong in this instance.
permalink I've roasted beef
and made the planet's best yorkshire puddings. there has never been such fine yorkshires.
permalink has or have?
permalink Have
I think . .
permalink this is too
damn cute- ex 18ftr champ Trev Barnabas sailing with his son (and more recent champ) Trent and his kids 9 and 11 yr old kids. They actually raced. That's a damn hardcore boat for kids to be sailing.
permalink Morning. I'm at my mum's fixing her computers.
We went to see the Alice in Wonderland ballet at the cinema the other day, it was a live showing of a Royal Opera House production and was rather good.
thread It seems that Rolf Harris has been arrested as part of Yewtree.
I hope not. He once dragged me across Glastonbury in the wet mud on his tow-bar.

That is not a euphemism.
permalink Here he is, being arrested:
permalink And Richard G has died too ;(
permalink This saddens me,
especially as a few of the folks at work refer to me as Rolf on account of my grey hair and glasses.

On the Euphemism front Nottingham is home to possibly the best Euphemism-like shop name:

Chocolate Utopia
'Have you ever taken your girlfriend to Chocolate Utopia?'
permalink proper shops shopping this morning
beef for roasting tonight from the helpful and friendly butcher. And no, not on purpose to spite Good Friday, just because I like beef.
hot cross buns from the baker. Thirty million times nicer than ones from Asda or Tesco
permalink we are making cheese with the cheese making kit I got for my birthday
.... seems to be going ok so far.