thread OH GOD
People are fucking stupid.

Really fucking stupid.

Stupid, stuipid, stupid.
permalink Always
And forever
permalink Near and far
closer together.
permalink One for Nik
A joyous afternoon reviewing/checking a small package from a not-very-clever junior colleague.

On the Transmittal Sheet, she has included the Transmittal Sheet itself in the list of documents.

Furthermore, she's got its title wrong when listing it. EVEN THOUGH IT'S IN BOLD AT THE TOP OF THE FUCKING PAGE.
permalink I like the inclusion of the transmittal sheet on the transmittal sheet
It hints at a deranged mind, while being thorough and diligent... ruined by the typo.

I wouldn't mess with them.

permalink I was just assuming
they were being, like, totally meta man
permalink Fuck's sake.
That's pathetic. I mean the getting the title wrong bit. The rest of it, well, just the other day, Aconex and/or LendLease changed the Transmittal rules; they're now insisting that we add the Transmittal Sheet (as a PDF *and* an XLSX ) to the Transmittal Sheet before transmitting it. And as the Transmittal Sheet has to bear the name of the Transmittal (eg. AKTII 180219 B2 Construction Issue) it means we have to change the name of the Transmittal Sheet every time we transmit it, which means it becomes a new document each time we transmit it, which means we need a new page in our Transmittal Sheet for all the new Transmittal Sheets. The cunts.
permalink And if you could make sure
you submit your TPS reports before you leave, that'd be great...
permalink We get a Transmittal Protocol Record
from Aconex every month. It's an XLSX showing all the stuff we Transmitted over the last month, and we have to tick them all off and send it back, as an XLSX and PDF. I cannot see why, considering Aconex itself is a record of everything we've Transmitted, and we keep our own record of all our Transmittals anyway. The cunts.
permalink Well, you wouldn't be drowning in Kafkaesque bureaucracy
If they didn't provide any Kafkaesque bureaucracy to drown in, now would you?
permalink Not only are we drowning in Kafkaesque bureaucracy,
but we have to log the Kafkaesque bureaucracy we're drowning in with an organisation that's raised drowning in Kafkaesque bureaucracy to a high art.
permalink Well there you go
Also, have you seen my stapler?
permalink Here:-
permalink Yum!
Stapler jelly. My favourite
permalink Eve is really into Bing at the moment,
which is a cbeebies programme about a rabbit called Bing. Flop, his primary carer, is voiced by Mark Rylance.

It has really grown on me. Flop's gentle parenting style is utterly superb.
permalink Bing always weirded me out a bit
no idea why. We're mad for Magic Door at the minute, which is shit.
permalink and you're surprised?
really, like this is new?
permalink Probably not
But it can be cathartic to shout it out every now and again.

Just not naked on the Circle Line at rush hour
permalink I think it's the only sane response
when it doesn't go in a circle any more
permalink I don't think
this is worth a new thread, but I really want to run away. It's not Mr D, it's Everything Else. Just can't deal.
permalink *internet hug for the lovely lady with the bashed face*
permalink Aww, you'll be reet pet!

I do hope Mr D isn't threatening to give you a black eye? It would be the perfect crime!
thread *does a sex wee*
permalink I've never read the Eoin Colfer book
I've heard mixed things about it
permalink It was OK.
Very much in the style of Adams. The plot was a bit untidy, I’m hoping the new recording cleans it up a bit
permalink I liked that
Liked that he just ignored bits of the old books he found inconvenient and wow what he wanted. I really enjoyed it.

Of course I love the Artemis Fowl books too.
permalink I tried the first Artemis Fowl book,
gave up halfway.
permalink They are not aimed at adults,
but the writing and the details are delicious.

They are everything Harry Potter isn't. I cannot understand why that was successful at all. Dreadful prose, crap stories, always a deus ex machina solution and a game where the way they pay is in direct conflict to the way anyone would actually win.
permalink Yep,
I never liked it either. Though it did get an awful lot of kids into reading books.
permalink she tells a story well... they rock along
but absolutely appallingly shit writing and hugely predictable.

He posted, critically.
PS I am wanking whilst writing this
permalink I was trying to make a gag about the adverbial nonsense JK Rowling uses
All the time, he said, scathingly.

Wanking has no place here, even though scoff posted something, comically.


God shes an awful writer.
permalink Very very awful
But very very rich.
permalink Yus.

Well done her.

This is a way of getting rich that I have no problem with. I may not think she's a great writer, but making millions of people happy is pretty cool.
permalink And actually, to be fair to her
She doesn't seem like the worst human being in the world.
permalink she's also far from the best
just ask her why she continues to support domestic abusers to get blocked by her on twitter
permalink I feel similarly.
See also Robbie Williams.
permalink This.
Very much this.
permalink File under
mostly harmless
permalink I must read it too.
permalink so anyone know a good
solicitor who will tell my work that they can go fuck themselves in the jap hole? Oh and tell me what my redundancy terms are.. because they've put in writing a leaving date but want to change it.
permalink I used Gannons last time
They were pretty good, London based though
permalink I misread that as Gammons
and thought, "That's not going to help Jiva! They'll just bang on about muslims and Brexit all the time."
permalink they want to move it forwards or back?
permalink they haven't made themselves clear
currently 1st April
want to move it to 6th due to the office closing so they want me to come back off holiday to a week of clearing up a closing office. BUT I just don't have anything at all of a redundancy package. Zip. Just letters saying what they are doing to try and re-deploy me.
permalink moving it to the 6th is likely to be slightly better for you right?
remember that if you organise an 'interview' they have to give you paid time off to attend that and other job seeking activites etc.

but as the saying goes. "lawyer up"

and don't use your holiday entitlement. so they have to buy it off you.
permalink Send them an email asking for the details of the redundancy package
And print it out and keep it.
permalink you could try Royds Withy King
They did my redundancy stuff a couple of years ago and the person I dealt with was very clear on things

*strolls in after being lost in the forest for years*
permalink Didn't I once spill
a long vodka all over you in a heaving pub in Clapham?
permalink not that i remember
but that doesn't mean it didn't happen
permalink That big pub on the corner
near CJ station. Sometime in the early 2000s.

This is the best I can do.
permalink I do remember going to the Falcon in CJ once
with a few beta/C4mb folks, so I was there, don't remember the drink incident though
permalink Rigby
and Dutchbird were there. And some of us went on to a smaller, shitter bar up the road and smoked hashish outside.
permalink i've not had a long vodka in years.
permalink I don’t think I’ve had any vodka at all in years
permalink I had one a few weeks ago
for old times sake.

Tonight, ale, Margaritas, a 15 year old chardonnay that is the second best wine I’ve ever had, and some rather stunning sakė.
permalink O hai!
How did your bear defecation research go?
permalink successful
they do
permalink Eeenteresting
permalink Hola!
permalink Royds withy king
Sounds like a Russian weightlifters training regime
permalink or some sort
of Arse Issue.

also hello Sir Raw of Edge!
permalink I really do not like that expression
It is so offensively racist.
permalink I have the same telephone as Dominocat.
Well, mine has my number on the front, not hers, but it is the same bakelite model with the wee drawer.
permalink what a strange
place to put wee.
permalink In your
permalink There is a small child with no socks or shoes on, wailing in the street, alone.
I am conscious of being a bit hairy man, so I am letting between him and the main road (he keeps looking back towards the school he has clearly escaped from).

Now, of course, I am loitering around a clearly vulnerable child. Still, being called a paedophile is better than him getting run over, I figure.
permalink Has he been rescued yet?
Can you can a less intimidating looking person who lives nearby to come and help?
permalink He has been rescued by a school worker.
A grateful school worker at that.

He was properly wailing, like a bull in pain, in ragged trousers, a dirty shirt and nothing else.

He also beat his fists on the pavement, although notably only when he could see the worker watching.
permalink Well obviously,
he's not an idiot.
permalink I have a GSM think for arduino, which I've been using to send texts
and as it's a work thing I got work to order a sim. Only the sim is 3g only, it doesn't do GSM :(
permalink I've got a spare giffgaff
one if it's any use to you.
thread That thread is boring.
Another fucking school shooting today. Fucking yanks.

Happy birthday to BanAnna, if she is here under a different name.

Name autocorrected to mange, which amused me no end.
permalink I'm sure they said on the news that it's the 18th this year
I know America is big, and there's lots of people and schools and guns, but that does seem like rather a lot. Mental.
permalink Some depressing numbers

permalink Saw that
And that there had been 33 school days.

Also the guy that wrote the story the onion uses each time there's a high profile one* lives a mile from the school in this case.

*Because fucking hell school shootings are so common some are more newsworthy than others fuck that fucking g ruined country
permalink ah, it's all to do with your definition of "mass shooting" apparently
permalink still, thoughts
and prayers eh.
permalink This.
permalink Yep.
permalink there isn't really enough time for the crickets
to get a full chirp in that cycle. they just have a little breath in, then the next one happens.
permalink Thoughts and prayers
permalink More than that,
it seems.

permalink that's all mass shootings, not just school shootings.

don't look up statistics about the number of kids that kill people with guns or are killed by guns by accident.
permalink Oh,
I thought he meant all shootings. Fucking depressing stuff one way or another.
permalink tbh, a school shooting in the US
is like a carbomb in the middle east
it's how that nation functions. the idea that the US is a civilised nation of the free and tolerant is a myth
permalink I looked it up
apart from the Cumbria one, every time there's been a mass shooting in the UK the law has been changed to try and prevent another. At least we fucking try.
permalink What about Monkseaton?
Nothing happened after that either.
permalink Incidentally, this is not intended as whataboutery,
I agree with you, I just precariously checked your data.
permalink ah maybe I missed one, the point, as you implied, is still valid
thread Right, I am giving up.
I want to include whole web pages within a PowerPoint and scroll up through the page as I go through.

I have tried using Motion Paths and I have tried putting one 'screen' on each slide and using the PUSH transition.

Can anyone help me beyond that? Please?

If not, tell me a joke about animals or give me a shit 'roses are red' poem to chuckle at.
permalink Can't you put a live page in there?

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Sometimes I wonder why they bothered making "violet" the name of a colour at all.
permalink I can, but that would defeat my purpose
I already do this with an actual page in a browser - the plan here is to be able to share the deck and use it offline.

Basically my presentation is almost infinitely better than anyone else's, so they want a copy. They seem to misunderstand what makes it great is not the shitty slides I put together, but rather the way I talk to them.
permalink By which I mean 'thank you, but not quite what I am looking for'.
And your poem is lovely, so by way of thanks I am going to correct 'the' to 'they' for you.
permalink you used to be able to insert an iframe (I forget how)
then you'd just need the html and gubbins.
permalink So - I could get the file locally and include it, but I would have to send it with the presentation
or can I include it in the slide?

I want to just include a picture of the whole page.
permalink you're into levels of powerpoint advancement there I can't help with
I'd just screenshot the thing and put it in, maybe combine several screenshots into one big image in the iframe so that you get the 'scrolling though the page' effect?
permalink Okay, I have the screenshot of the entire page - I just don't quite understand what you mean
about the iframe.

It feels like this should be easy, but I cannot do it.
permalink Microsoft Form Frame?
Is that what you mean?

This is too complex, surely this is something people REALLY NEED TO DO quite a lot?
permalink I have put a word document in the slideshow, which is the entire image,
but I cannot work out how to scroll in there.
permalink I can't read this properly because of our bloody netnanny
but try this: https://yourbusiness.a...

its something like that.
permalink Ooh!
If I can put an image into a text box and trigger 'credits effect' that might work.
permalink I can't
Why is this so hard?
permalink "powerpoint"
permalink just give them an ofline version which has the screenshots as
animations sliding up from the bottom.

and an online one for full scrolly action... if you aren't giving this presentation not really your problem
permalink That is exactly what I want to do.
Have a screenshot with an animation that replicates scrolling.

Can I make it happen?

Can I fuck as like.
permalink Video-screenshot and embed a movie?
I use Movavi Screen Capture for grabbing video screenshots. It's pretty cheap, but if you just want a word doc scrolling send me it and I'll make you a video.
permalink Cheers,
but I want to do maybe 25 web pages as separate slides.

I feel like I am being dim and this should be easy, but all the animations I have tried have failed.

Maybe I can sort something out with push, but not without photoshop (which I do not have for a Mac, and Parallels just grinds my machine to a halt).
permalink silly question but if you make a mask
like a rectangle with a smaller hole in it.

and put the web page behind this and move it up and down,

will that work?
permalink I can make it move
but not in a way that works, it jumps around like a cunt.
permalink Do cunts jump?
permalink are you using motion path - line?
shouldn't be jumpy in my experience, unless the image you're moving is ridiculously huge
permalink It is a whole web page in size.
It feels like this should be easy.
permalink in filesize rather than physical size
moving a 50kb png should work absolutely fine, moving a 100mb bmp will probably not. As you're only going to be outputting it at a display resolution, the screenshot doesn't need to be ultra-high quality.
permalink this. Exactly this.
permalink I cant imagine that even manley would sscreengrab a website,
upscale the resolution and save as a BMP.
permalink in that case
record the presentation in full. Send recorded presentation.
permalink That is not very helpful either, nobody can use that.
Trying to do the above (including a textbox) has fucking killed my deck, which is a disaster - I now have to rebuild it using my 'phone tether on a shitty train.
permalink Note - a recording is not very helpful
not your comment.
permalink I still like the one I shared on
the twitters last week:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Unexpected '{' on line 32.
permalink I retweeted it.
permalink Rose are black,
Violets are black,
Everything is black,
I’m blind

In Other, massively cuntish News, fucking Aconex and all who work for it can FUCK THE CUNTING FUCK OFF AND FUCKING FUCKING DIE, YOU FUCKING USELESS FUCKING CUNTS
permalink U OK HUN
permalink No... he isn’t.
The poor bastard is dealing with Aconex.

I’ve ignored it so long that I got an actual phone call from a document controller chasing me on workflows I haven’t reviewed.

I suppose that’ll be a shit three hours on the train north tomorrow.
permalink I have just had an actual apology from some cunt at Aconex.
a) for telling me I was wrong repeatedly over the last few days, b) telling my team leader I was wrong repeatedly over the last few days and c) for not believing me when I said one of their uploading functions wasn't working properly. I've asked for it in writing.
permalink You're defining blindness from a sighted point of view.
You'd need to know what sight is in order to identify 'seeing' black.
permalink Maybe it's someone who's gone blind.
Someone who could previously see.
permalink Perhaps.
"I've gone blind" would work better.
permalink I preferred the bleak nihilism.
permalink do the whole presentation
as a webex and record the webex to share.
always the same content shown to customer.

In other news I went to the big london office yesterday. I have offers coming out of the wazoo and I'm scared.
Then I spent more than 4 hours on a train home and I want to cry.
permalink a) well done
b) trains are dicks
permalink well done
but all london. All of them no idea what salary would be, all of them wooly and up to me to decide if its the direction I want to go in.
permalink Woolly is good though, isn't it?
I thought you liked knitting?
permalink 'offers coming out of the wazoo',
is that a new Enya walbum?

Also 4 hours going back to Naaaarch is utter fuckery, but then you know this.
permalink My commute is 4 hours each way
whatever the weather.

permalink yeah I don't want to be you
permalink Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
If you want to be Manley
Weigh out your poo
permalink Why has Manley started supporting Newcastle United?
Cos he loves to stand in the crowd shouting "Poo weigh the lads!"
permalink Because he's a cunt?
permalink roses are grey
violets are grey
I am a dog
but I love you anyway
permalink Roses smell red
Violets look fart
My synesthesia
will keep us apart
permalink Whatever happened to having a separate web browser window open and using that?
What you're asking for is goddamned powerpoint voodoo

And I always fall back on the old favourite

Roses are red,
Violets are red,
Everything's red,
My eyes are bleeding.
permalink I think it's a question of which is more likely to fail in a demo:
a) an overly complex powerpoint file
b) a live web page

the correct answer is, of course, 'both' and 'disastrously' and that's before we even factor in Manley
permalink Ha ha
This is of course true. The sensible option would of course be to not attempt either.
permalink Roses are red
violets are red
My garden is on fire.
permalink Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Never creep up on
Oscar Pistorius

Made me laugh a lot today.
Also, there were a *lot* of people in Canary Wharf shopping centre panic buying cards at 7pm this evening. How fucking disorganised can you be?
permalink *arf*
I can beat that though, people still buying flowers and shit at 9pm in my local al-tesco.

Just popped into my skull:

Roses are dead
Chocolates are so-so
No sex for you,
You got these from Esso.
permalink I just forgot it was a day.
Jim seems unfazed.
thread I think I have a tedium headache
Not a tension headache... a tedium headache.

I'm bored shitless and I have a sore head.

I want to go home now.
permalink Same.
Currently trying to work out how to word job applications to explain the fact I've only been in this place for six weeks and am already applying for other things...
permalink I have to bash together something for tomorrow
which involves words like "stakeholder".
permalink anyone had a good idea
we could all run as a team from here
permalink After tomorrow lunchtime
I can do some interesting work.

It's just a bit shit until then.
permalink Right... I'd better get my arse along to Marble Arch to talk about
stakeholder engagement


Might have a pint on the way back to the office at lunchtime.
permalink agile
engagement, don't forget engagement.

and mention millennials somewhere.
permalink I still don't know what Slack is
but it got mentioned at work once and everyone nodded appreciatively, so say that.
permalink It's basically IRC
with extra annoying flashiness.
permalink Slack you say?

permalink which is what I always think
then remember some shit boutique in Leeds trying to sell photocopied flyers with him on for a fiver.

When I went to look on google maps I found a bar called the 'Friends of Ham'

It's been a rollercoaster ride this morning.
permalink 'shit boutique'
is pretty niche, you have to admit.
permalink it's Leeds
I wouldn't put anything past them.
permalink Friends of Ham?
I have questions...
permalink slicker annoying flashiness.
IRC had annoying flashiness, but you had to script it all yourself.

The best bit of being a mod of a big sub on reddit was the slack for our mod team. I still pop in now and again.
permalink I do not understand Slack in a work environment.
I mean, we have emails.
permalink That's like saying "I don't understand talking to people IRL because we have emails."
which I don't think you would. Slack is IRC, so it's more widely collaborative than emails, it's easier for multiple people to be in the same conversation. But it's not as demanding of attention as an actual conversation in person or on the phone, and you don't have to respond immediately.

So it's like a conversation with a group of people who are in the same room, but without the time constraints. So it's cheaper, because you're not taking people away from their jobs to sit in a meeting.

Also, everything's recorded as a searchable archive so you can always check back on what was said. You might want to see the justification for a decision or find out who actually dropped the ball.

And then there's the scripting side of it. There are simple responses, so if there's a link or something you regularly use but can't remember you can add a shortcut. Or you can do something more complicated. So in the reddit slack we had links to the wiki and to the automod script, and we could shadowban from the slack which made it much easier.

I get that it's not for everyone, but there are certainly justified uses for it.
permalink We are a software company, so we have some excellently scripted bots, BUT . . .
Whilst I can see why the channels are useful for teams working on a couple of projects to give everyone in that project team input and exposure, for me, having to look at literally every project, it is a nightmare to stay on top of. I wake up to 1000 messages of which 2 re relevant to me, and nothing to find them - I would rather have emails every time.

And I really would rather email than talk to people internally as well.
permalink So the obvious mechanism there is that slack is useful for your project teams
and you should be appraised of anything relevant via email by the project lead.

I like your use of "so", implying that of course a software company would have some excellently scripted bots.
permalink Yeah, I think so.
If you have decent engineers then they will be writing decent scripts.
permalink We use it. Well, as a company we do. I do not.
I have a friend who works there, but I do not understand the value.
permalink My stakeholders were engaged with
If you check back.

Not sure how agile it was.
permalink well going forwards
we need to uplift the feedback loop.

permalink I'll be cutting the feedback loop now
until I have turned the high-level vision into an actionable plan.
permalink Were any envelopes pushed?
Or wheelhouses exited?
permalink No. It's quite important the no envelopes are pushed too far
We need to stay within the etstablished limits of the more innovative envelopes that are proven in the marketplace.

I have absolutely no fucking idea what exiting a wheelhouse is all about, but I don't think one was involved.
permalink It's a septic one that I've heard more & more just recently
About being out of one's area of expertise or comfort zone

permalink What bollocks
I have exited the shithouse today, but that's about it.

Oh, and I exited the house.

permalink One septic thing I found out the other week
Is that when they say something was"tabled" the mean "shelved", not "discussed"
permalink Oh fuck!
I may have been judging someone inappropriately for almost six years.
permalink But that makes absolutely no sense at all
Silly Septics!
permalink I guess they mean
That they put it down, rather than keeping it in hand
permalink start using other items of furniture as metaphors
with great confidence so that everyone assumes it's a thing.

"Let's just sideboard that until next month and get the other project piano-stooling"
permalink don't tell them where you are working?
just omit that from your CV

or tell them you are there for a short term project / covering an absense or something.

or just tell them you just arrived and it's a flaming nightmare.
permalink I think I'm going to go with option 3.
Honesty being the best policy and everything. I've just got to word it right to make it obvious it's not my fault...
permalink tough one because you have to make it clear you aren't picky
or will just leg it at the first sign of hassle..

why is it by the way?

perhaps discuss how you feel they did not describe the role correctly or that the situation changed as soon as you were hired, or they are poorly organised, or they touched your winky,

on another topic.. getting to nuremburg form London is a bloody nightmare.
permalink Just ask that
Mr Hitler!
permalink you get out quicker with
the spear of destiny tucked in your overhead
permalink God, now there's an 80s band
I hadn't thought of in many a year
permalink It's a mixture of 2 and 3...
After I accepted the job, but while I was still working my notice period at my old place, the new CTO arrived and changed the strategy, organisational layout, etc, and basically the job I was hired for doesn't really exist (and the nearest equivalent has been filled by someone who already worked here). So I've got almost nothing to do apart from a few tasks that should really be done by someone more junior.

Sadly, there's been no winky touching.
permalink maybe if you took it out and showed it around, that would help
permalink I believe Snapchat is how it’s done these days.
permalink I'm just
permalink I had an OK Monday
Got quite a few things done, although more slowly than I'd have liked. But for some reason, couldn't switch brain off last night, so a shit night's sleep for no apparent reason.
permalink i'm about to prepare for tomorrow with some pancake practise
permalink Oh is that today?
I always forget about that these days...
permalink The good thing about being a heathen
Is you can have pancakes whenever. Taunt the believers by having them on Wednesday, if you feel like being an arse for no good reason
permalink I've pencilled them in for the weekend
I won't get back in time tonight to fill the child full of jammy pancakes, so might as well do it saturday.
permalink the only reason i realised was i'm hanging out with some
wierdos on ash wednesday

it's been kind of odd having them on the 'proper' day
a bit like eating xmas food (which is really just an exaggerated sunday lunch i'd have down the pub)

edit: what i DID forget yesterday was data privacy day
permalink I put my data privacy day decorations up last week
.edit. I tell you what, my google activity is bloody tedious.
permalink I mean if you do have pancakes tomorrow
don't fucking message believers with pictures of you doing so because that would be super shitty
permalink a bit like Dawn Foster
(who I respect usually) doing mock outrage because apparently Jeremy Corbyn's media people didn't answer her enquiry as to what he's giving up for lent. FFS she's a lefty guardian journo she should already know he's an atheist she won't have asked Sadiq Khan the same question.
permalink Back hurting
fuck everything.

What is the fucking point?
permalink Depends who you ask really, but it generally falls into two camps.
Either there is an all powerful being, and therefore the point is to glorify God, or there isn't, in which case the point is to reproduce.

So either your purpose is simply to raise your children to a point of self sustenance or everything you do should be to the glory of God.
permalink Bollocks to both, actually.
I'm quite happy as an atheist who has never felt the desire or indeed the need to reproduce.
permalink your purpose is to ponce about in restaurants
not so sure about the sweaty gym selfies though.
permalink Proof to an old mate
that she's right about gyms.

I shall, however be poncing about in a restaurant tonight.
permalink In leisure wear
one hopes
permalink Yes*

Nice restaurant though, very nice indeed. Mommi, the Latin American/Japanese place I was banging on about the other day.
permalink Do you have to do jazz hands
whilst saying the name?
permalink It's compulsory.
permalink ^ this
permalink Then answer the question,
what is the fucking point?
permalink sausages
permalink This is the closest anyone has come
I fear.
permalink Strive to survive
causing the least suffering possible
permalink Enjoy your brief time in this universe
Whilst trying not to be too much of a dick about it?

That's pretty much it, really
permalink This..
permalink That only works
if you are enjoying it though.
permalink Well, there was an implied "try to"
before all that
permalink And the addendum to this already extensive philosophical manifesto
would be that you won't always enjoy it, and you won't always manage not to be a dick. Try not to sweat it, that's just life. Touch my bum.
permalink I shall not touch your bum.
I do try, it just hurts too much.
permalink Well, if you're not going to follow the sage advice
of the Cheeky Girls, I really don't know what I can say...

and how do you know my bum hurts? I mean, my glutes are a little sore, lots of running up hills, but still. Most presumptuous!
permalink It was the massive weeping wound,
and its associated festering, which gave it away.
permalink When every day is a ball of white pain
it is very hard to think that any God would want me to put up with this pointless trial.
permalink he likes a laugh as much as the next person/omnipotent being
permalink this guy might know
permalink pancakes
permalink I am eating crumpets.
Being thin might feel good, but getting thin is painful and, whilst being fat ain't the best, getting fat is fucking amazing.
permalink I had bacon, jam and banana in one.
It was good, but not the right jam.
permalink Banana, golden syrup and grated dark chocolate
Was our fave
permalink I had 3 with nutella and maple syrup
then 2 stuffed with roast vegetables, pesto and cheese
and then 3 more with nutella and maple syrup

my belly most definitely does not resemble a pancake, despite being full of them
permalink I only knew it was on
Because I took a shortcut through the Indonesian missionary uniting church to get to the supermarket as it was raining and they were giving them away.
I don't know that many in the congregation understood what was going on, and they had some very peculiar filings going on.
Chicken floss, satay, peanut sauce, kecap manis, crispy squid, and the obligatory sambal belacan were all on offer alongside the usual accoutrements.
permalink I don't know what chicken floss is
but i am intrigued.
permalink it's a real delicacy
rare as hen's teeth
permalink Just ultra dried and shredded meat, in this case chicken
permalink ahem